TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"Just say you love me. Make my day go good."

Friday, Jul. 10, 2009 - 9:49 p.m.

Whew. June 2009. What a month.

I had my three online classes that I was taking. I have never been so tired, exhausted, just totally out of it as I was during the whole entire month of June! I can't even remember most of it because it was seriously all a blur. The days blended completely together. I rarely knew what day it was, hardly knew what time it was, barely knew where I was at any given moment. But it's what I signed up for. I knew it was going to be insane, just didn't realize quite how insane.

But it's over. I made it through: A, A-, B+. Holla.

Right before the end of the semester, I met up with Sexual-B and Bleek420!!! I still can't believe it. It just felt so surreal to meet people I've been reading and keeping up with for years with no interaction other than the occassional email or note. But like we all basically agreed: we know things about each other that the people who see us everyday don't know. That connection will always exist and honestly, I'm happy for it. :-)

We rode around the area they were visiting, hunting down a place to eat, and booooy, did we find the strangest place EVAR! I have lived in South Florida all my life and have never come across such a scene. We were in some country place, but only inside that restaurant. There was a 4-piece band (including one man with a BANJO!!!), playing and singing gospelfolkcountry tunes very LOUDLY the entire time we were there. LMAO! Boy, I tell you. S-B and Bleek happily took the blame, letting me know that when they are around, crazy things happen. And I thought my life had that tagline! Phst! But the food and drinks were good. We also went to get ice cream and on the way back to their hotel, they pulled a fast one on me!!! I won't forget that. Hmph! Their company was SUPER and again, I'm so glad I got to meet them (you two - LOL). :-)

Right after that and my last two finals, I got consumed in all the wedding stuff. Everything turned out great. We had a mini-Bachelorette Party since the one in May didn't get to finish. LOL. I had a few folks come over to my house and we had the stripper there. This fool had me puttin' beads in his hair in my damn bedroom! LOL!!!! I felt like I was in a comedy. OMG! This fine, huge hunk of chocolate thunder kneeling in between my thighs and just yap-yap-yapping away about what, I can't recall. *sigh* Had to compose myself right there. His performance was great though. Once again, I was able to see why "he da besss". Mmmhmmm!

My homegirl's wedding was very nice. Beautiful, even. I'm just not into weddings like that. Especially knowing that the shit cost $20,000! *faints and comes back to life* Not me. I'm is not gon' do it. Spending all that money to make sure everybody else is happy (her words, not mine)?!? Not me. No ma'am. IF I ever get married (and that's a big, HUGE "IF"), it will be on an island with me, my hubbs, maybe the 'rents, a witness and the officiant. Everybody else, we'll see them when we get back and have a straight party. $20,000... Child please!

Of course, the day of the wedding rehearsal, I get to the place only to find out that Michael Jackson had died. I'm still hurt over his death, like for real, for real. I don't know life without Michael Jackson. I seriously feel as if a member of my family has died. It hurts my heart when I think about him. I just hate the idea that he was never able to live the life he wanted to live and be who he wanted to be. I feel the same way about Luther Vandross. It's so sad to know that somebody couldn't be who they really wanted to be, really were, because of what "society" would think. So they lived tortured lives and died early deaths. It's sad.

I guess I should mention that I've gotten back in touch with TheBouncer. Damn you Fac.ebo.ok! LOL Told me he still loves me. I was quiet as hayle on my end of the phone. I mean, I haven't wiped him out of my mind and he'll never be out of my heart because I truly did CARE for him so I have love FOR him in my heart. But I don't "love" him. I don't know how else to write that but at least I understand what I'm trying to say. LOL

Yes, I'm still hangin' with DBanks. It's been 3 months of us just chillin'. That's fine with me, in all honesty. I hit him up when I want some company and he don't really hear from me when I don't...although we are in contact everyday. Yeah. LOL. Anywhoo, he has that 30-year itch, aka he's turning 30 next year and wants something solid. I've got 2 more years to go and I ain't itchin' nowhere, no how, so I'm thinking about having a sit-down with him this weekend to make sure he's not in a situation he don't want to be in. 'Cause that's one thing I don't want to do - have him feel like he's wasting his time. At the same time, I want him to fully understand where I stand, in that...........

'F it. Whole truthfully? I like him. I do. There are just certain aspects about him that I just. wish. were. different. than what they are. These characteristics don't bother some. As a matter of fact, some would be happy to see these characteristics. But they bother the h-e-doublehockeysticks outta me goshdarnit!!! Like, UGGGGHHHH, I wish he could change!!!

But I refuse to truly wish on him that he would change because if he's happy the way he is, then more power to him. He's a responsible adult, a productive member of society. Those little "quirks" are just things that get under my skin, but they work for him in his life. They bring him joy and peace and security. So why should there be somebody like me imposing my wishes on him? I don't think that's right. I sure wouldn't want somebody doing that to me! Hmph!

So yeah, those things are definitely holding me back from letting myself go with him. I am majorly holding my-true-self back from him with a few slips here and there. I just can't do it. I just can't allow my heart to open up and pour out all over him. First, I ain't ready for alla dat. Second, he ain't ready. Third, I just don't feel in my heart that he is it. *sigh* I really hate this stone-heart sometimes. It's too heavy to be lugging around and it always holds me back! Ugh!

In other non-news, ThePromoter from a couple years ago... I text him Happy Father's Day from my new iPhone (yes, Mia, I got sucked in. LOL.. Yes, my fayngaz are too big but I LOVE THIS PHONE!!!). I had to put his number in the "to" section of the text msg 'cause I didn't have time at the time to save him as a contact. I get a call later that day from a number, which I thought was TheBouncer, since I had spoken to him the night before and remembered the area code and first 3 digits as part of TheBouncer's phone number. I'm up there dry as I don't know what, "mmmhmm"ing and "right, right"ing all in the phone before I realize I'm talking to ThePromoter! LOL!!! We both got a kick out of that one. But anywhoo. I explained to him that I got a new phone and didn't have his name in the phone, blahblahblah. He replied that he also recently got a new phone and made sure to keep my number even though he got rid of quite a few others. But wait, it wasn't flirtatious at all! Completely innocent. So why the hell was I smiling like a damn cheshire cat? LOL And my smile got even wider when he told me that he's got some things coming down the pipe that he wants me to be involved in because he values my opinion!?!?

I am just so forgetful lately. I forgot to mention that he's single now. ;-)

No, no, no. He's just the love of my life in a PAST life, not this one. :-( It is what it is, ya know?

Oh yeah, almost forgot I went to North Carolina last weekend. That was a bunch of fun. I got SO MUCH REST. (My eyes are rolling in pleasure as I type this.) My best friend is soooo sweet (when she wants to be - LOL). She's one of the people that I feel truly understands what I go through, cares about my well-being, refuses to take advantage of my kindness... I love her. And I'm gonna have to see if she'll send me her doggie Maxie-Waxie for the rest of the summer because even though he's creeped me out in the past, he had me wrapped around his little finger all weekend. I know she won't because she can't live without him (pays $200 for him to fly wherever she goes! LOL!!!), but that doesn't that mean that I can't ask.

Well, I believe that catches me up. School really took up all of my time, so nothing else was really going on. Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to Brazil at the end of October. :-) :-) :-) I MIGHT go to NY to hang out with Jorge one weekend in August. We'll see. North Carolina twice in September. LOL I'm thinking about riding up to Orlando on the 24th of this month. I really was thinking about waking up tomorrow morning and going there but I don't think I'll be up to it. We'll see.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016