"How could you leave me? I thought that you needed me?!"
Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2008 - 4:32 p.m.
I'm definitely not the biggest Ja.y-Z fan but he really helped me through those tests yesterday. I kept hearing "I Know" repeating over and over in my head (I'd heard it on Friday night and downloaded it soon as I came to work on Tuesday [I took Monday off]), I guess 'cause that's what I was listening to over and over at work before I went to take the tests. I was using it to take my mind off thinking about taking the tests so of course when I got there, I couldn't get the damn song out of my head. So in between praying and berating myself for being in my position, I kept hearing "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know you like Hovy!".
Every little bit helps when you're worried out of your mind.
So like I was about to say last night, the remainder of '08 is seriously about to be about Celibacy for me until I can figure out in my mind why I would allow myself to change my personal standards as far as what I know I should've been doing to protect myself, much less anybody else, from such a potentially dangerous situation. Yeah, I "only" got HPV, but change that "P" to an "I"...
I need to believe that I am better than that. Until I do, well... Yeah. I have some time I need to take for myself.
This time, it's not the T.reo and me running out of space, it's that I'm out of time. :(
Hopefully one day soon I can get back on here and really explore my thoughts on what is going on with me.