"Forget? Sounds good. Forgive? I don't think I could."
Tuesday, Mar. 18, 2008 - 4:17 p.m.
So Zippy is pregnant again. Wow. But for real, LOL @ me feeling like a sinner for having to go through her to get a room one time when I was fooling around with TheBouncer. I really still felt like she was in a position to judge me because obviously, we wasn't goin' to the room to read the good word. Not at no 1am. She raised up her eyebrow and I expected to hear a speech but I didn't.
I just feel bad for her 'cause I know it's not what she wants in her life right now. But she'll make it. She made it with her last baby, she'll be alright this time too.
So I had my evaluation today. It was pretty.....good. It wasn't "Outstanding", but I expected that after the big project we were working on. I got a "Meets Standards/Outstanding" instead. Whatever. I was placed in a bad position with that project - the worst position out of all the departments involved actually - but I still performed and everything still came out great. But it is what it is, ya know? I was just laughing to myself 'cause I think my boss is thinking I'ma jump ship now. LOL! We'll see what happens, that's all I'ma say.
I'm not happy in my job. I mean, things are CONSTANTLY changing, there's no stability, I don't have a fully-functioning computer application to do what I need to do, I'm up here on a consistent basis, counting up MILLIONS of dollars using a friggin' CALCULATOR! It's crazy. The amount of stress has been WELL-documented. I just feel trapped by the salary. I'm looking at other jobs but I don't even know if I have enough experience to be able to go somewhere else and be the best that I can be.
Again, placing limitations on myself. It's a habit. Gotta get out of that!
I know that I can go to work in any office/department/organization/whatever and pick up what to do, how to do it and do it better than half the people there in less than two weeks. That's just how I operate. I learn how to do something and it becomes natural to me real quick. But I just don't know how to convey those qualities to every job opportunity that comes about.
I just want to make money - a lot of it - and still have the freedom to live my life. My problem with this job is that I am definitely sacrificing in my personal life for the salary I'm making. And that's just not right...........
I just don't know what else to say. I've been praying about it and I know that God will make a path for me. I know it.
Anyway, I don't want to meet with my group tonight but I have to. I would rather be in my bed tonight.
Oh well.