TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"Do you like how it feels? I'll smoke you out...head down to your toes."

Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2007 - 5:24 p.m.

I was able to download, open and read a pdf file on mah treo and I swear I almost had a MOMENT. LOL! I swear I did!

School...

School, school, school...

Man, I don't know if I have the energy for it! I was so tired by the time I got home Monday night and the next morning. Like, DAMN! I think I took 5 pages of notes. I understood everything until we got to the end. I'ma have to study that section extra-hard for next week's quiz.

I forgot that I need to handle the situation with my Honda until today. I gotta sell it to pay off my credit card bill. *sigh* I feel bad 'cause I've been letting my aunt and her husband use it and they offered to pay the note on it every month. But that was before her husband had to go on disability the week before last... So I know they won't be able to pay that note every month from now on. Plus, they've never been able to get the $2k together to pay off the transmission I had to put on my credit card...

I just don't know. I mean, I feel bad, but I can't have that kinda money accruing interest on my credit card. I just ain't with it. I hate giving away my hard-earned money, especially when it ain't benefitting me. And I clearly explained to them what I needed before they got the car. Her husband even told me he would look into getting the car refinanced in their name but that hasn't happened either...

I have to start putting myself first. I just have to. I feel bad but I'm not springing anything up on them so...

I'm gettin' stressed just thinking about it. Anyway.

Sooooo... Nothing else is really new. I got so scared climbing that pole at my class on Saturday. I FROZE because of the fear. It was a very strange sensation for me. I tend to think of myself as mostly fearless. Add to that the fact that I've done the same course before, just on the other side of the field where we were at... I was kinda thrown off guard by that. I mean, what has happened to me?

Did I already say I sent myself on vacation? I woke up with that thought the other morning - I sent the me that I was and enjoyed being on vacation. I packed her stuff and sent her on her way towards at the end of 2005. It's time for me to call her up and tell her that her time's run out - she betta show up for work bright and early Monday mornin'. Hmph.

So the promoter guy... I'm wondering if I should stop communicating with him. It's just scary to enjoy some soul music the way I do and physically have somebody else around that does just as much. I'm sayin', I NEVER physically meet anybody that does down here so it's really throwing me off, ya heard? I think I actually met his baby momma today when I went to pick up the tix for this weekend's show.

I'm not going to the show, btw. Much as I enjoy Kin.dred and would love to see them live... I just don't want to go for various reasons. So I'm giving my tickets to my cuz and her husband and I'll watch my Nia-Bean while they enjoy the show.

But yeah, when I picked up the tix, the lady who sold them to me was pregnant... Something just told me that's his baby momma. I just know it was her. I walked out the place with a smown - that's a smile/frown. I mean, I'm happy for him and her and their relationship and the baby that's coming but at the same time... I just wish I could be so fortunate.

But then again, I definitely ain't tryin' to even see no babies right now at this point in my life. The right dude? I'd love to have one in my life, but I really don't have time I want to dedicate to a relationship so...

I was thinking abou tme and TheBouncer's situation the other day. About how I kept so much of me from him just because I liked being selfish and I figured it was the best way for things not to get messy or for me to feel taken advantage of. I was so damn selfish! Geez!

But I came out of that situation with me still in tact, right?

Mmmmm, not so much. Everything takes a little bit away or adds to you, no matter how hard you fight against it happening.

Oh well. My mind is through for right now. I'm goin' home.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016