TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"What if I get lost - I call out to you but you don't save me?"

Friday, May. 18, 2007 - 4:20 p.m.

Last night, I went home and VEGGED OUT. I ain't wanna do nothin', think about nothin', talk to nobody - NOTHIN'. I just wanted to lay my butt up in the bed and watch tv.

And that's what the hell I did.

I shoulda just went to sleep 'cause I was definitely tired, having stayed at the salon until 2am the night before.

I'm not even pissed at the fact that my curls dropped by midday yesterday. I figure it's just going the way it's gonna go with the way things are happening these days...

I have a few things I need to do by tomorrow evening, one of which is assembling 60 bridal shower favors for Miss E's Surprise Bridal Shower. Yeah, I could've enlisted the aid of one of the other Bridal Party members but I just ain't feel like it. So I'll do it myself tonight and into tomorrow. I'll get 'er done, I always do.

I also need to tidy up my living space 'cause it's basically uninhabitable right now. It's like a land-mine field up in there. You take a step, you liable to break your ankle. So I'm really going to dedicate myself to getting that place together this weekend so I can rest when I'm in there, 'cause right now, it's such a mess that I just cannot bring my mind to comprehend totally relaxing among it all.

On the Grad School applying front, I'm doing well. I only have one more recommendation letter that I'm waiting on and I have to get immunized and I'm done. I spoke with one of the administrators over the program and she told me that everything is looking good. I'm happy about it. I just need to finish my financial aid application on the net. Hopefully, I can complete that by Tuesday of next week. I wanna have all this done and fini.

******** 4 hours later ********

In other news, I know the Lord be laughing his head off at me all the time. 'Cause as soon as I think I'm 'bout to roll up on a hardship or some bad news as a result of something I did, I be bussin' out with the gospel music. I'm singin' it, I'm puttin' it on in my car, I'm fillin' up my mp3 player, I'm blastin' it at work. Whenever I get scared about something, I'm running to the Lord.

"Lord, I know you can do it. I know you're gonna do it for me, Lord."

"God, I know you are watchin' over this fool right chea."

"Lord, my homie, my dawg, I know you ain't gon' leave me hangin'."

Knowing the whole time I did whatever bad thing I was doing, I knew better. I knew that were I not to do that bad thing, I would have no consequences to face. But no, I had to go ahead and do it 'cause I had to take that chance that those consequences wouldn't come back to bite me.

Child. Please.

I swear my so-called "intelligence" is really an imagined front. Like, I just have no clue about anything dealing with being smart, using my common sense, my intelligence...

But it's all good. No consequence I face is gonna change the love I have for God. Because no matter what, he has always taken care of me. He has always held me in the palm of his hand and treated me as if I were his one and only child, his one and only love, his most treasured possession. And I thank him for that.

I thank him for giving me the freedom to choose and choose wisely or poorly. For letting me experience this life and still loving me, no matter if I've gone against what he told me to do or not.

It's all good.

I love the Lord, ya heard me?

So no matter what, if I come to find that one of the consequences I thought I'd never have to see has indeed made an arrival, I will still praise the Lord. And I will walk happily and triumphantly in this life, knowing that I am simply paying the price for a wrong that I committed of my own free will.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016