2007-04-12 - 2:12 p.m.

I'm sitting here trying not to boil up and all out of my clothes. 'Cause I'm sho'll boiling. I really am.

First and foremost, Virginia showed up a week early. Threw me for a complete and total loop. And she ain't bein' friendly. As we speak, my head hurts (but that could be the Cou.rvoi.sier and the loud music from last night - but that's neither here nor there), my back ain't right, I'm full o' gas and crampy... The list really does go on.

Secondly (but was firstly before Virginia decided to show up), I have this "mysterious" sore throat that showed up on Saturday. What's so "mysterious" about it is that 1) I've had it since Saturday (today is Thursday and it's still going strong) and 2) there's no cold or sickness associated with it. Couple those items with the fact that I engaged in some activities with TheBouncer week before last and what a damn Co.smo magazine had an article about in this month's edition...

This female right here is NOT a happy camper at the prospect of what my situation could really be. And that's without even really getting into the bigger prospects of what my situation could really be, just because mentally, I can't handle those possibilities right now.

But I can't even be mad because I'm the fool for believing that somebody would tell me the truth about what they're doing when they are away from me.

BooBoo the damn Fool.

Thirdly, I'm resisting the urge to boil because one of the ladies from the theatre is harrassing the hell out of me and it is definitely getting on my last damn nerves. How the hell you gon' be half-assing shit and not even being around for the majority of shit but you tryin' to rush me and my shit? Excuse you!

Shit!

Gon' call me early this morning with some foolishness when yo' ass was the one MIA which is the reason I couldn't get my shit done. The noive! With an attitude and everything.

Lady, I am doing your ass a favor! Get it right! You ain't doin' nothin' special for me - AT ALL. TRUST that. That little $10 an hour I just started getting paid?!?! What's that supposed to be? GOLD to me?

I don't think so. Especially not when I'm there on a Saturday, then spending half my Ea.ster holiday and stayin' up doin' YOUR WORK 'till 3 in the damn morning, knowing I got to get up for my real job before 7am! And on top of that, I'm not in the best of health?! I'm tempted to say, "BITCH PLEASE" but I just ain't gon' do that right now. I just ain't gon' do that.

And here I am, damn-near killing myself to fit in everything you need me to do 'cause I would feel bad walking away from the situation knowing you need the help??!!

Again, BooBoo the damn Fool. I'm 'bout to put that as my name on My.spa.ce. For real! 'Cause apparently that's who the hell I am.

My mama had a 10-minute "intervention" with me yesterday. Likened me to a train wreck she can see in her mind's eye. Regardless, I STILL sat there and defended my loyalty to the theatre even though it is just about the biggest stress I have in my personal life right now.

All that to come in to my real job and have that heifer from the theatre call me with an attitude about a situation she had a hand in causing not to get done??!?!?!

All together now - BooBoo the damn FOOL!

But that's okay. This is a good lesson for me. I see this whole situation right now and I raise it $500.

I see how my dedication and hard-work, no matter what the circumstances, is NOT appreciated and I raise it $1,000.

I see how I'm literally on the verge of killing myself through bad habits and no rest on behalf of folks who don't give a shit about me and what I'm going through and I raise THAT SHIT by MY FUCKIN' LIFE!

I said I was gon' take ME BACK in 2007 and I've been slippin' on that front. But it's all good. Can't cry over spilled milk. Just gotta get up and move forward.

And that's what the hell I'ma do.

GET UP AND MOVE FORWARD.

I'ma leave all that foolishness in the past and allow people to fend for themselves. They'll be alright, ya heard?

Okay, I feel much better now. I got up and walked away and went outside and got some fresh air. I'm still miffed but I am no longer boiling.

But I will still be taking the steps to correct this situation. I'm thinking a resignation letter but that's too formal. I wouldn't mind a sit-down meeting about it but I know that the same lady who is harrassing me will be the one to say she can't make it and she's the one I have the real issue with. The other lady is cool because she understands that life is not all about working and being stressed out.

It's all good though. I'll figure something out. I was planning on sticking it out until this show gets up and running but hell, at this point, I might as well just hang it on up. I'm not being appreciated, my time (especially my personal time) is not being respected, I have other shit I'm trying to do and ways I'm trying to get right in my life.

I. am. TOO. FLY. for. this. shit.

Periot.

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