2007-02-26 - 1:57 p.m.

It's Monday. Between Friday and Saturday, I found myself driving the cars of two totally separate "strangers".

I'ma have some wild stories to tell my kids. For real.

Friday night, I said let me go out with D so she don't go into a depression while I'm fasting. Really, that's what I said to myself. So I gathered myself up and we got there nice and early.

Proceeded straight up to see our personal bartender, Dawn. We ordered some eats and some dranks and chilled up there real hard for a long time. Dawn's ex-husband bought us some Patron shots (no, really, her ex-husband). We weren't really interested in walking around but figured it was something to do so we got some more shots and walked around the club. That was blah so we went back to the VIP.

Chilled real hard there again. Drank some more. Got up and went to the dancefloor, I think. LOL. That was the pattern for the rest of the night.

I did get to sit and talk with Craig, yet another Big Boy. I wasn't testing out any Big Boy theory though. I was just following up on a drink he bought me some weeks ago. We had a nice loooooong conversation where he was just about preaching to me (why do I always end up speaking to somebody about God in the club?!?!?! Scratch that, I know why.). He's cool though. Nice guy. There wasn't any flirting, which I appreciated. I know some things he doesn't know I know though, so it'll be interesting how that plays out.

After about 6 or so hours up in that piece (yes, 6 hours - LOL!!!!), we were ready to go.

While inside, we had seen this dude that we were introduced to a while ago. As we walked outside, we saw him again. Unlike a couple of hours prior, he was completely drunk, standing around in the parking lot. We offered to drive him to his car since it was parked a ways away.

We got to his car where we realized he was quite f'd up. He was pizzy-azz drunk. I told him that I would drive his car and D would follow me so I could bring her back to the club so she could get her car and go home.

I just couldn't let him drive himself home in that condition. I just knew I would see on the news about a guy crashing his car on the way home from a night out and I wouldn't be able to live with that on my conscience. And yes, I was completely sober by that point - had been since before we left the club.

This nigga. Wow. He has a Magnum on 22's. That thang was a boat. A BOAT. Too damn big for my tastes. I'm short and the seat was high as hell. I looked and felt like a little child driving this nigga around. When I cranked up the car, the music came on BLASTING! I screamed from the shock and kept screaming 'cause I couldn't figure out how to turn the shit down and he was no help. LOL! I just shook my head and threw the car in drive and kept it moving.

That was an "interesting" ride is all I can say. Nothing happened. Things were just "interesting". LOL!!!

We dropped him off and he tried to start with the groping. I was like "Nah patnah. Stop it." LOL! Hopped in the Honda and pulled off. What's funny to me is that 1) he has probably never let a female drive his car and 2) he probably won't remember me ever being in his car either. That is some ish that will drive him crazy tryna figure out how the hell he got home.

Yeah, so I dropped D off at her car and went to see....

Big Boy #2! LMAO!!!!!!

My curiosity got the best of me. I just had to see if he was really the same person I met in the club that night. I just had to see because the person I met in the club that night and the individual who has proceeded to call me like he tryna collect for the IRS seems to be two totally different people.

I was there for about an hour and a half... BOO! That's all I have to say. How you gon' be 30 years old and not know how to kiss?!?! YUCK! I couldn't believe it. I was just...flabbergasted. Damn-near disgusted. I just can't work with somebody who does not know how to kiss (i.e. David). I just can't. My mind just does not work like that.

I left him behind frustrated as hell too. But he was not about to get a thing from me. Not with that "performance". Goodness, no! Mmm, mmm, mmm. Just a mess.

I'm not saying I'm the expert on kissing either. But I have not had any complaints and I continue to have repeat customers so I must be doing something right enough to know that his "skills" were all wrong. BOOO!!!!!!

So yeah. Got home, washed off any traces of his saliva and went to sleep.

Woke up Saturday morning and proceeded to do so much running around, I was dizzy at the end of the night. But of course, there was to be no rest for the weary.

Friday night, Dawn, our personal bartender, pulled us aside and proceeded to pour her heart out to us about the breakup between her and her boyfriend. (D made a very good point that customers are supposed to pour their heart out to the bartender - not the other way around.) She enlisted us to help her get over it by going out to a male strip club.

So Saturday night, we took Dawn out. I left my house before 11pm. I did not get home until just about 7am the next morning.

I drove her Lexus truck all around the world Saturday night. LOL. We went to La B.are. I just couldn't get turned on 'cause most of the strippers, if not all, were gay. Just thinking about it has me wrinkling up my face right now. LOL. For real though! All eyebrows were arched or waxed. The ones with the doo-rags? Absolutely gay. Including Rico, the star of the night. I was just like, "YUCK!" the whole night. And what was worse was that those fools were like hungry vultures. If they caught a glimpse of the white of your eyeball, they were on you. Please!

Dawn insisted that we be VIP so that, we were. Finished a HUGE bottle of liquor amongst ourselves (I only had three drinks though.) We had four strippers come and give us dances. We just about closed the place down.

I'm sayin', if ever I get engaged to be married, I'ma make a stop by there 'cause the brides-to-be were having the time of their lives. IT was fun watching them act the plum fool. LOL!

So the only reason we left before the lights came on is because I was told that we were going to some clubs at The Ha.rd Roc.k. All I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep but nooooooo! LOL!

Here it is, 3am and we're driving to our next destination. Crazy. We went to two clubs over there where we drank and partied some damn more (I am looking forward to fasting) and then headed out to Dawn's ex's job, a female strip club. By the time we got there, around 4:45am, it was closed for the night. I was happy to see that 'cause I just wasn't up for the drama.

So we finally headed back to our destinations.

I was awakened at 11:45am. How was I the only one to not lose anything that night? LOL! I'ma need people to keep better track of their belongings.

But yeah, I woke up feeling like total crap. Not so much from alcohol, moreso this cold or whatever the hell it is that I have. My sinuses are all infected and misbehaving. My head is killing me. My eyes are red and watery. My throat is red and swollen.

I just can't win.

So I spent a lot of time in bed on Sunday, drifting in and out of sleep. I went out to dinner with my fam yesterday to celebrate my cousin's husband's birthday. Came back home, did some stuff on the 'net and went and laid down. I saw a couple of minutes of the Oscars but that's it. I just couldn't watch them. I needed rest.

I woke up this morning, well-rested but feeling sick as hell. I still came to work but everybody is saying I look a mess so I don't know if I'ma go home just yet. I'll see. I get so sick of being sick. Really, I do.

But alllllll the way back to Dawn. She was in a relationship with her ex for 5 years and they have a 1-year-old son together and he goes out and cheats on her. I mean, really. Are there any faithful men out there anymore? Damn! And they wonder why so many women turn the other way...

Speaking of which, why do females exhibit strongly homo tendencies when they go out and drink? I keep getting groped and I just don't get it. I don't ask for it. I'm not flirtatious in any way towards females. I don't know. It just boggles me.

It's weird that there we were, D and I, having just really met this bartender chick and we were hanging out with her, driving her car, going to her house, etc. I mean, she's cool and all but I feel like I just know too much about her already to not even really know her in the first place.

It's just kinda weird to me.

And no, I don't love the lamb.

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