2006-11-13 - 10:33 a.m.

Okay.

I swear.

It must be me.

All I can do is shake my head.

Really.

I'm trying to give her a pass this time since it was the "first day" and she was obviously emotional - BUT STILL.

How 'bout D had the nerve to tell me that "calling somebody your best friend is supposed to be a mutual thing and since it's not mutual, I think it's time I revise that title".

LOL@%J(%J@UJETOETLOLO)%I@#QITJATJLMAO!(*%U(Q(U@ROFLMAO$#(UGJIAJGAJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are we NOT grown women?!?! I mean COME ON!!!

The situation is that I have had Tae as a "best friend" since the age of 11. We met in the 7th grade and have been the best of friends ever since then. So for 14 years, Tae has been my best friend.

I met D my freshman year of college. At that point, I was 19 years old. She was a "friend" of J. J and I were friends and then, through association, D and I became friends. We were all part of a small circle of friends. J and I ended up rooming for most of my college career because D already had a roommate.

At one point, even though we lived on the other side of the bathroom from D and her roommate, D wrote J and myself a letter stating that she was hurt because she could "hear the laughter of 'sisters' while she, as the 'friend', had to sit [literally] on the other side of the joke". Basically, she was jealous of the relationship between me and J.

Me and J are no longer "friends" at this point, which D saw as the door for her to walk through and become the "sister" to me that she felt she hadn't had the chance to do before.

Problem with D is that she is not her own person. Admittedly (and from actual live testimony from others - LOL), I am a "leader", not a follower. I do want I want to do for the most part. Granted, in the past few years, I have found myself bending considerably to work around what other people want me to do, but at the end of the day, can't nobody TELL me what to do. It don't work like that.

D is a straight-no-chaser FOLLOWER. I swear the girl don't have a mind of her own. She repeats the things people say as if it's her own original thought and allows other people to treat her like trash just to make sure they continue to deal with her in their life. It's maddening more than anything. Truly upsetting to me for the most part.

I have associated myself with her for this long out of a feeling that were I to disassociate myself with her, she would not be able to handle it. I'm telling you, I have seen the evidence of this possibility my very self. It's scary.

So, even though I really should and should have, I don't cut her off.

But the ish she said to me on Saturday really made me want to.

Ever since J stopped speaking to me (which I hope did not have to do with this whole "best friend" title too - 'cause I see where it could have), D has been calling me her "best friend". And this is how she says it:

"You're my best friend, even though I know I'm not your best friend."

She has said that to me on numerous occasions - even in front of other people.

Now, I just let her say what she wanna say 'cause it made her feel good, I guess. The other option was for me to bust out with "What the hell is wrong with you, saying some ish like that to me?! Just don't call me nothin' if you gotta have a damn tagline!" Damn. That comment would aggravate me everytime it came out her mouth, but I let it slide.

So midweek last week, D went home from work with "chest pains". The girl is a hypochondriac. Period. How you been having chest pains for the past two or three years and ain't neva had an EKG or an MRI? What does that say?

Right.

So she's been home ever since. "Home" is a 2-bedroom apartment with her mother, 3 grown siblings and the 2 small children of one of the siblings. So it's understandable that she could go crazy up in there and want to get out the house for a minute.

This past week, I was BUSY. Past BUSY, really. I had the theatre (which started on Thursday) and trying to get things together for my cuz's baby shower (her baby also finally came home after 6 weeks on Friday night). So I wasn't able to go see D or call her too much. Which is not a surprise. Everyone I know knows my schedule so nobody can expect much from me as far as coming to see them on a regular basis, keeping in consistent contact, etc.

So on Saturday, she's calling me trying to get me to come and pick her up and take her somewhere, anywhere - which I had no time to do. She asked me what I was doing that day, I gave her the details of my every minute and then she realized I wouldn't be able to get over to where she is (all out of the way anyway).

Let me interject that at this point, homegirl had been home for 4 days. Plenty of time to recuperate. The doctor only felt fit to prescribe her Per.co.cet 'cause he ain't find nothin' wrong with her, as have none of the other doctors she's been to found anything wrong. I think it's just panic attacks anyway. So she had enough strength to get up and get in the car WE went through all that trouble to find her and take her own ass out somewhere. But she refuses to go out by herself - even to the movies or the bookstore!

So she sends me a text message:

"Sorry I always feel like I'm bothering u. I just need to get away."

I ignored that sucka and pushed on with my day. I replied to her 'bout 3 or 4 hours later saying, "U not bothering me. I just wish there were more hours in a day so I could do for everybody." Basically, I ain't got time to deal with no bull today. No sympathy here. Maybe tomorrow. LOL!

Her reply?

"Well I feell ike I do since u are the only real friend I have. And I had to elect u as my best friend. By the way u can be off the hook with that since it's technical."

Before I go off, let me interject again. This is a situation that she has voluntarily created for herself. She outright refuses to associate herself with anybody else but me. And I'm not tryin' to have the big head right now, I'm just statin' the facts. I have time and time again encouraged this child to go out and do things with other people (I swear I feel like I'm in a committed relationship sometimes!), as I have, do and will continue to do. But she refuses. Everytime. So now, she has nobody else to pick up the phone and call to socialize with down here in the entire state of Flor.ida.

Now, onto my friggin' rant:

Again, WHAT KINDA BULL IS THAT?!?! ARE WE NOT 25 (me) AND 26 (her) ?!?! Which makes it even worse!!

I had to call her at the end of the night when I was less busy at the theatre and hear what she had to say, 'cause she always tryin' to hide behind a text or an e-mail.

I'ma have to sit and have a talk with this female. She really has some serious problems - which I've always known. But really. At some point, you gotta get over things.

We are GROWN WOMEN. This is not the point to be looking for someone to put the title "best friend" on.

Shit like this is why I really get the feeling that this child really has "feelings" for me. For real. And not just the feelings that "friends" have for each other. I'm talkin' 'bout "feelings" you would have for your man.

She has always been jealous of ANY interaction I have with anybody else. Even going so far as to say, "Well, I know you want to spend time with your family" when I say I'm finna hang with them instead of her.

Yeah.

And during our conversation on Saturday night, she even had the nerve to say, "Don't worry. This ain't no 'Single Black Female' type thing or nothin'." Which made me think, "Well damn, it sure feels like it."

I have known Tae FOR YEARS. YEARS and SEASONS in my life before I ever even came across people at college. Me and that girl have had a lasting friendship to the point where we understand and respect each other's opinions and beliefs because we are both headstrong individuals.

D is not like that. And my relationship with her is not like that. Nor is it anywhere to that point.

The girl is too damn needy. She needs and takes everything she can get from me. She always has problems that need solving. She always needs money or direction. She always needs, needs, needs and NEVER gives.

And I'm not talking about money 'cause I sure as hell don't need anybody's but the people that run the damn Lotto. I'm talking about support and encouragement and friendship. She does not even know how to provide that because she's so busy collecting what she can't even give herself.

It was the girl's birthday and not even her own sister knew what her favorite food was! Because she's so concerned with what I like, I messed around and bought a cake she didn't even eat for her birthday because she doesn't like it! As much as I love music, I don't even know what her favorite song that's out right now is. I couldn't tell you who her favorite artist is. Her favorite movie.

It's like there's a shell there but nobody's inside.

And that's how she goes through life. Living off other people's coattails. Mine, in particular.

And I'm sick of it.

And because I'm sick of it and I feel sorry for her more than I feel anything else towards her most of the time, I can't see myself calling her my "best friend".

But I can't tell her anything like that because she can't handle it.

And, I have to agree with Tae on this one, I can't handle it either. I can't handle the thought of her, as a grown woman, not being able to handle the end of a non-beneficial association. Which is what we're in. I'm her needs-enabler and she's is a damn slug, suckin' out everything she can get.

And it's not really a true friendship if one person can't tell the other how they truly feel. It really isn't.

It's just an association.

Point blank, period.

I'm just so through with her shenanigans! I really am. The dramatics, the "woe is me"s, the "everybody does to me what I let them do to me but I want to complain and whine and moan about it".

I'm just done.

And I need to let that chick know.

But I don't know how to tell her or what to say.

I was thinkin' about telling her that I'm concerned about her having no other person to turn to in her "times of need", knowing my schedule and how unavailable I tend to be.

Honestly, when I think about moving to another state sometimes, I think about her butt. 'Cause I feel that maybe me moving is what will be her impetus to start living her damn life.

But it still probably won't be. She'll most likely just move on to the next person she can attach herself to. My mom even said she'd probably try to figure out a way to get to where I am.

Now ain't that ridiculous??!! Just being able to have that thought is outrageous.

I'm just dumbfounded that I am in this situation at the age of 25. That I actually know a person like D. It's just... I'm just flabbergasted! LOL!

I just had to get it all off my chest. Just the utter craziness of it all. Even though it's Monday, I still can't get over it.

The girl has issues.

And I have issues to for putting up with them.

the last - the next