2006-10-12 - 3:59 p.m.

100 Thangs

1. I am not neat - at all.
2. But I'm not dirty.
3. I hate cleaning.
4. But I like for things to be clean.
5. I'll probably hire a maid in the near future.
6. But I won't be able to afford one.
7. I hate getting cheated.
8. I will never ever marry a car salesman or a dealership "Service Advisor".
9. Then again, I don't see marriage in my cards at all.
10. And that does not bother me as long as I love at least one man before my time on earth is up.
11. When I say "love", I mean that scary love - the kind that can drive somebody crazy.
12. For some reason, I don't feel like the person I am meant to love (TheOne) is not near me geographically.
13. I get the feeling that I will have to travel to find TheOne.
14. But I want to travel just to travel, not to find TheOne.
15. I believe that when TheOne and I cross paths, it will be just like a scene out of a movie.
16. I feel like life is one long movie.
17. But I don't feel like I'm playing my part to the best of my ability.
18. I hope to play it well starting sometime soon. I'm tryin' to get an Oscar here.
19. I'm not a good friend.
20. I realized this today.
21. I give everything of myself and don't expect anything in return.
22. After a while of getting nothing, I realize that I've been taken advantage of and I start to resent.
23. But it's not fair to resent anyone but me - 'cause it's my fault.
24. I need to start expecting and demanding something out of my relationships with other people.
25. I'm this age right now.
26. I got a tattoo at the age listed above.
27. A symbol of my zodiac sign - Capricorn.
28. Every word that is written about Capricorns can be applied to me.
29. I'm BOSSY, and that's just the TIP of the iceberg. LOL.
30. By this age, I hope to have settled down somewhere and started a family.
31. Realistically, I don't see that happening.
32. By the way, I'm a realist.
33. I used to be a pessimist.
34. Then I was an optimist - which was excellent.
35. Now, I'm just a realist.
36. With that being said, this age is probably when I'll actually settle down and start a family.
37. Hopefully, anyway
38. Was that a hint of optimism? I sure hope so. LOL.
39. I just have to wonder what I'll be doing at this age.
40. The thought of being this age doesn't make me anxious.
41. I love aging. It's a sign that I'm still alive.
42. I am too good of a listener because I find myself hearing every word people say, even if it drives me crazy, as I am right at this very moment.
43. I can really make it seem like I care about what a person is saying even if, at the same time I'm thinking, "I wish they would just shut the hell up!"
44. Constantly forgetting things these days (like the training today at 1:30pm) - I know it's from stress.
45. I can deal with a lot of stress at one time.
46. I cannot stand stress.
47. I swear I'm working just so I can afford weekly massages and facials.
48. Actually, I probably could afford them beginning this month but then again, my car needs major work...
49. I HATE debt. If there is one thing I CANNOT STAND (even more than stress but only because it can be a major cause of stress), it is debt!
50. So I have no problem with foregoing immediate gratification of something I want in order to pay off a large expense.
51. So even though it's looking like $2,000 to have my car repaired, I'll probably work towards paying that off damn-near immediately, rather than charging it and giving myself a long time to pay it off.
52. I love my mother.
53. She is more than my best friend. Period.
54. She and I have, of course, very similar senses of humor.
55. She can make me laugh every single day. All the time.
56. On a bad day, just the sound of her voice can improve my whole attitude.
57. I tend to say that I won the "Mommy" Lotto with that chick right there.
58. I am a very technicologically-inclined female.
59. I was programming VCR remotes when VCRs first came out. LOL!
60. I love working with Microsoft Office just because it is so exciting to me how I can click and drag and copy and paste and export and import from program to program!
61. But I don't want to work with computer systems for a living.
62. Nevertheless, every job I have, I become the computer technician/whiz.
63. I do enjoy writing manuals that translate technical terms into layman terminology though.
64. I love words.
65. I really love words and phrases and how they work with one another.
66. I think that's why I love music so much.
67. Aside from the instrumentation of it.
68. If the Bible were put to music, I think I could memorize the whole thing fairly quickly.
69. Truthfully, most of what I know about the Bible, phrases and what the Lord said, is because I heard it in a gospel song.
70. I read the Bible, but at times, I don't seem to get the same effect.
71. But I do trust and believe that God will do what he said he would.
72. My favorite gospel song is "Till the End" by William Becton and Friends.
73. I swear, if I could, I would make my body a writing canvas - filled with quotes and phrases in the form of tattoos.
74. I'm about to fly to Houston, TX, just to go to a concert.
75. I'm nervous about it 'cause at times, I feel stupid about such a trip.
76. But then I realize how excited I am and how much I hope to appreciate being able to do it and actually doing it.
77. I do wish I had someone to go with me who appreciates the music as much as I do, but nobody does, so I don't have nobody.
78. And that's fine.
79. I feel I'm kinda different even though at times I feel like I'm one of the drones.
80. I believe this is because I try to stifle those differences so I don't stick out from the drones.
81. I don't wanna be a drone.
82. I just wanna be my mama's child.
83. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful life, even with all its ups and "downs".
84. I'd like to write a book about some of my experiences, but then I remember my bad long-term memory, and I have to nix that idea. LOL.
85. The older I get, the more introverted I am becoming and I don't like that!
86. I wrote one of these before, but it would take me forever and a day to find it.
87. It was totally different. I think I like this one better.
88. I know my life would have been much different had I grown up with a sibling but still, I wouldn't have had my life be any other way.
89. I am not afraid of death but I worry about dying or someone I know dying all the time.
90. I feel guilty downloading music for free and I am terribly paranoid of being caught but I still do it.
91. I don't get excited watching porn but I do get excited reading erotica or hearing a sexy song.
92. I used to think about sex as much as I believe men think about it.
93. I want a sexual relationship with an older man, but not a real relationship. Something more teacher, student than anything.
94. I love plants and gardening but do not have the time to nourish or do either.
95. I send telepathic thoughts to the plants on my desk at work. LOL!
96. I love to laugh - especially at myself and the images in my head of what is happening or what could happen in different situations.
97. "I can't let go (I can't let go)..." No, really. I can't let go of a lot of things.
98. But I'm working on working that part of me out. 'Cause I wanna let go.
99. And not allow the past to affect me negatively today.
100. I wanna be able to take the lesson and make it a positive but leave the hurt and the sadness in the past.

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