2006-09-29 - 4:55 p.m.

First and foremost - my cousin delivered her baby girl. Two months and some change early. But the baby is okay. She's fine right now, breathing on her own, being very active.

I SWEAR I was petrified when I heard my cousin was bleeding unexpectedly. I didn't know what to think. All week, I've been thinking about Jenny, who had a miscarriage over the weekend, Rev Run's baby passing away and the whole KJ-A situation from start to finish. Then I would think about how my cousin's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

So to hear that she was having complications REALLY threw me for a loop. I didn't relax until the father came out from surgery and said the baby and my cousin were doing fine. I really didn't totally relax until I actually saw the lil' runt in the NICU. Crying and kicking. LOL. She is a cutie. VERY pale. Pink, actually. But you can tell she looks like my cousin, not her daddy.

So I'm a aousin (auntie-cousin) to my nousin (niece-cousin).

I'm so glad that everything worked out. I really am.

Now onto the foolishness.

The people at the theatre were blowing my phone up yesterday. Granted, when they were calling, I wasn't busy. The first call, I was at work and just didn't feel like answering. The second set of calls (three in rapid succession), I wasn't aware of being that my phone was in my purse and I was at a loud table of females in a restaurant. I did plan on calling them back today though. But not before I was ready.

But I'm glad they called like they did yesterday. 'Cause today, I'ma lay the guilt trip on them so I can be out that piece. Let them know that I have too much going on with my job and my family to be trying to run around with them too. I'ma tell them that something has gotta give and, since my job and my family are non-negotiable, it's gonna have to be them.

Periot.

See how they like them apples.

I am sick of people taking advantage of me.

Which brings me to my next topic of utter foolishness - D.

Now, the girl was with me when I found out about my cousin. I also told her yesterday that I had a funeral to go to today. Yet and still she, first thing in the morning and throughout the day, is burdening me with her personal damn issues. Shit that ain't got NADA to do with me.

And because she has been having a "bit of a stressful day" (which I won't even compare mine with hers just for the sake of posterity (I like that word.)), she wants to go out to the club tonight.

Nope. Not gonna happen. Usually, I would be like, "Well, let me see what I can do." and then I would proceed to try and kill myself to do the things I wanted to do as well as be a pillar of strength for her behind. But those days are about to be done. I told her that I want (not "need", like I usually say to get out of something I don't feel like doing as opposed to something I want to do) to go see my cousin (which a normal person would expect me to do the day after my cousin gives birth) this evening. Those are my plans. Ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it. No discussion.

This heifer gon' reply, "I understand. That's fine." To which I shouda replied, "It's gon' have to be fine 'cause that's just the way it is." But I didn't. I just left it at what it was.

If there's something I don't want to do, from now on, I ain't gon' do it. And that's gon' be that on taht. I'm too through with extending myself on behalf of people that don't even begin to think to do the same for me.

With all that I was going through, you would think the first words out of her mouth would be in regards to at least hoping that everything is okay with me and, in regards to the funeral, that I would make it through.

I guess I have too good of a reputation for being strong for her to even begin to think that I need support. But as a friend, no matter what, that is what she should have offered. But she didn't and, honestly, I didn't expect anything different. All I believed was that she would give me mental time to work through what I'm going through before she threw all her own bullshit over on me. But no, she just couldn't do that.

I've been ready to do me but now, I'm just ready to actually do me. Periot. No apologies.

Okay, so back to my cousin. I just can't believe she's a mommy. I mean, I know she'll be a great one, but that doesn't stop the disbelief that she is one. It's just crazy. Just to think that she's gonna have a little baby to raise into a toddler to raise into a child that will grow into an adult? Wow, man.

If I were to win a bunch of money at one time, I would just tithe, pay off my debts, donate some to charity and some of my fam's issues and let the majority of the rest sit in an account somewhere and gain money on itself. I wouldn't just up and quit my job right now. I don't think so, anyway, 'cause I like to keep busy. Plus, I wouldn't want everybody to know I was rich.

I'm real cheap when it comes to foolish extravagance, so I'm not worried about that. No 6-figure expensive cars. I'd definitely hire a personal trainer and a cook. I'd hire a driver to take me to and from yoga classes ('cause what's the point of going to yoga if I'ma get immediately stressed out on the ride home). Weekly massages and bi-weekly facials and pedicures, also using said driver. High-speed internet. LOL! That's about it.

I'm a simple female. A simple chic. Don't ask for much but requires everything. LOL.

As much as I complain, I am SO happy for life, health and strength. Really and truly I am. And for the fact that God has promised and delivered so much to me in my short lifetime and his promises for the future are even greater than anything I I could ever conceive ("i" before "e", except after "c"). And that's a lot more than anyone could ever ask for.

And I need to remember that.

I miss KJ-A.

And I'm looking forward to getting a tattoo on Sunday. The zodiac symbol for Capricorn on my left hip.

I'm not making a big deal out of it. I'm just gon' get to it. "What betta time to do it to it than right now", like Inet.ta the Moodse.tta said. LOL.

I'ma have Fran there, at least. I think, anyway. I'm just ready to get my tattooing process started. I have a lot I want to have done so, this is as best a time to start as any.

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