TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"But I want you to want me too...I want you to want me too...Just like I want you..."

2006-08-21 - 6:06 p.m.

What do I want to do? What is driving me right now? What do I feel like I need to do to be complete?

Let me tell you. I woke up this morning (or maybe went to sleep last night, I can't remember) with the belief that I need to find out where and when Bilal's next show is going to be, get up and go there. Period. That's what I need in order to be complete right now.

That scenario will solve each and every last one of my problems in life. No doubt.

So I guess I should mention that I never saw TheBouncer this weekend. Yay me! LOL. I only spoke to him three times. All three times, his requests to see me were shot down. The last one particularly irked me because it only served as a reminder of his personality. He claims to be returning to the area for another visit in two weeks. Hopefully, I won't see him then either.

So, there were two big highlights to my weekend:

1) The 10-minute oil change that lasted for 1.5 hours and saw me leaving with a coupon for a free oil-change next time. Hello! It was good for me 'cause it helped me to start my letter to my 25-year-old-self letter to my future self. Yeah. LOL.

2) My self-car-cleaning experience, which lasted 4 hours in the BLAZING sun. I was out there so long, I started to not be able to feel the heat. At which point I realized I was about to have a heat stroke. I barely made in into the house without passing out. Literally.

But I needed that physical purge. I was just stressed out and not happy at all. So, I decided to go get that Rug.Doc.tor and do what the hell I had been wanting to do for the past, oh 5 months. Now my car smells like wet rug but it's all good. I ain't worried 'bout it. I feel much better after such a physically strenuous situation.

I didn't end up going out Friday night, which I'm glad about. They ended up paying 'cause they were late to the club. I would have just been irate at sitting around, waiting for folks to get there, then having to pay. Wouldn't have had a good time at all. It started raining, which would not have been good for me and my cold. A girl got followed home and raped from that same area. So yeah, I'm glad I crawled in my bed and went to sleep.

I still want to go to Atlanta man. For real. There's a $138 ticket out there with my name on it! I could go Thursday night and come back Saturday. That would be enough time for me to live the life out there, right?

Right.... LOL.

So I slept my weekend away - outside of the two highlights, of course. I just slept and slept and slept on Sunday. It was crazy. Partly because I got up at the crack of dawn to drag that Rug.Doc.tor back to the store so I wouldn't get a late fee, but mostly because I didn't sleep much Saturday night. TheBouncer called with some foolishness about wanting to see me at 3:36am (he was 20 mins away at the time, to top it all off) and I was coughing up something serious throughout the night. Saturday night was not kind to me. At all. So Sunday, all I could do was recoup. And it felt oh so good.

So anyway, it's looking like I'll be able to pull this celibacy stint off proper-like. LOL. Which is fine with me. There's always less stress when one ain't twerkin' and jerkin' out in these streets. It's just too much goin' on, too many fools gettin' sprung, too many opportunities for a problem when sex is involved. I do miss the D, but I truly don't mind chillin' on that for a while. Gives my brain space to focus on other things.

"Didn't you know? Didn't you know?! Didn't you know, didn't you know, what my love would do (would do to you)?!" "Didn't You Know?" - Tha Rayne

LOL. I just selected to play Trina Broussard's "Am I Losing My Mind"! LOL! I swear, it's like a little tic in my head that's just going and going and going, about to go off!

I plan to go to the theatre tonight. Lord, help me. I need it. Lord, I need you now just at the thought.

I haven't been able to come out and tell these folks that I just can't do it anymore. I have a nagging suspicion that it's just going to slip right out in the very near future. Like, I'm just gon' be like, *throwing down pen* "You know what? I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I ain't no durmay. (c) In.etta the Mood.setta I refuse, I refuse..." I see it happening something like that, for reala. LOL.

I'm out.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016