2005-05-27 - 5:19 p.m.

So Virginia finally showed up and I'm not as excited as I expected myself to be. I think it's because I had actually sat down and resolved myself to just go ahead and get through the whole "being pregnant" thing.

Like, F what everyone will have to say. I'm about to make my situation work the best way I can.

I even sat down with TheBouncer and discussed the whole situation as if it was really about to be. And then to turn around and have it not be anything, as usual. LOL.

But not really LOL, 'cause now I'm like, well dang. I had pumped myself all up for it. Not that I was looking forward to it like this is what I really want right now. Just that I felt like I was kinda ready, even though you can never be ready for something like that.

But yeah. Virginia is here.

And that hoe is tryin' to show out for Memorial Day Weekend but I ain't gon' let her ruin my fun.

"Me and my girls are goin' out TONIGHT!" LOL!!!

For real though, it is hilarious to me how J is 'bout to be mad with me for real about not wantin' to be in the room on the beach this weekend. My running excuse is that I don't have any money - which is true. I don't have any money to spend on things I don't want to do. Period. But I haven't flat out said that 'cause I didn't want to seem rude.

But the truth hurts right?

I'm just not feeling the idea of being cooped up in a tiny behind room with a whole bunch of females tryna get ready, etc. I'm just tryna go somewhere, drink and have some fun. I ain't been out in a minute. I ain't had a drink in a minute. I ain't danced in a minute.

I'ma go out there, do my thang-thizzle, then turn around and take my butt home. Periot!

"I just died in your arms tonight. Don't want nobody bring me back to life." I just went and got this song on a mixed CD from this dude - that fine dude that does hair. (LOL @ that statement.) I told him not to forget to bring me a copy. He did forget so I had to take his personal shop copy. Oh the hell well. I don't play.

I got my hair done on Wednesday. It was real chill in the shop that day. Above dude didn't do my hair. The second in command at the shop did it. I gave her a different idea of what to do with my hair and she did it and she loved it and so did, and does, everyone else.

Yesterday, I went to the spa and got myself pampered something serious. I got a facial, my eyebrows waxed, a full-body massage and a pedicure. Four hours in total. $125 and worth every penny. I plan on gifting myself with a massage once a month when I get to rolling in the dough. LOL. For real though, I was ready to treat myself and that's exactly what the hell I did.

I've been applying for thousands of jobs with nothing concrete yet. I ain't worried. I just turned in some serious applications today and went on an interview. I know the good GOOD Lord has something for me so I ain't stressin' it.

Speakin' of... I finished an eighteen day fast. I only had fruits, vegetables and vegetable oil. No salt, no sugar, no nothing else but fruits, vegetables and vegetable oil. And I made it through. I really honestly didn't know for sure that I could do it but here it is, 19 days later and I made it without compromising. Ate only what I was allowed and nothing else. Lost at least 11 lbs in the process.

It was truly an amazing experience. Removing myself from food, from secular music, from negative influences on my mind. Doing my best to focus on God and pray to him, asking for strength and sending up certain requests. Relying on him, trusting him, believing in him and what he has for my life. I feel good and I'm overjoyed that I did it. I will do it again. Period.

Period. Periot! Period. LOL.

Life is grand with God holdin' my hand. Oh yeah!

"I love the Lord. He heard my cry." Yes he did.

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