2005-05-21 - 12:15 a.m.

I hate termites. There are freaking termites in my house. Okay, maybe not really "hate" but I do dislike those doggone termites.

I pray that this is my period coming on because the close-to-murderous wraths I feel coming should not be from anything else, or the world is in big trouble.

AND THE DOG BIT ME!!! Lil' pooper! Put a gash right on my doggone cuticle! On my right thumb! And it hurteded!!!

Breathe, stretch, shake...let it go.

But am I really as ready for the consequences as I've tried to make myself believe I am? Me, circa July 2004.

I'm mad that I'm still asking myself that question...

I feel like I have a whole lot of tension just building up, rolling itself into a big ball until I could just scream.

So yesterday or the day before (I lose track of my days these days), I came to the conclusion that I am just a piece of meat when it comes to this whole getting a job thing. I have a professional headhunter who gets easily annoying. I have careerbuilder.com and monster.com, both of which allow me to apply with my posted resume and cover letter. I have miami.jobs.com ( a monster subsidiary) and miami.craigslist.org (the place I just KNEW I was gonna find my dream job - LOL). I've flipped through the paper, looked at job boards, written all 10,000 words of my job history on every application for all the major organizations.

Finally, for the first time, I'm going on a second interview with a company. I like them 'cause they pay, then they pay 100% medical and dental, then they pay 100% tuition reimbursement, then they pay for lunch and parking. I thought that lunch thing was really cute 'till my mom explained that they do that so that the employees don't leave the office. LOL. A fool did I feel like.

And it's a nice starting salary for Miami ($29k), although I do have to admit and be honest and say that I harbor a little jealousy for Tae's $45k starting salary. But she's in Orlando and I'm here in Miami. And it's not right to be envious of others, especially those that deserve it.

But man! Words cannot express what I could plan for $45,000 a year right now! Really!

I'm just prayin'. That's all I can do. I can do plenty with $29k. But basically, I'm just prayin' that whatever and wherever the Lord has for me, that's what I receive.

I realized that I lost a lot of self-esteem working at my last job and I have some self-repair to do as a result. I'm ready to take the time to get my mind and heart right while being stable and taking care of other business (SCHOOL!).

So I'm prayin'. And I know I have people prayin' for me. So I'm happy right now (even though Virginia is tryin' to turn me into La Diabla!).

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