"For the love of money, people would rob their own mother..."
2005-02-07 - 12:57 p.m.
So my boss just told me that because of monetary issues (basically, he ain't got enough), he gon' have to let me go.
So much for freakin' loyalty.
It's my fault though, 'cause I sat here and believed him when he told me I'd be here forever and all that foolishness. My fault because I did what I said I didn't want to do - let my future be dependent on somebody else.
All this time I wanted to get back in school but didn't. All this time I had other things I wanted to be involved in but didn't. All because I was being loyal and dedicated.
Boy oh boy, are the people around me gonna love to hear this one. My momma and all my friends tellin' me day in and day out that I need to leave this job. Me fighting with myself daily over what I was gonna do...
I am out of a job...but not for long, I know. God does everything for a reason. I guess he saw I wasn't takin' my stubborn behind nowhere so he took me out of this situation. And that's fine.
I really will have no animosity towards my boss. The situation I am in is a result of my own wrongdoing. This is a real lesson to me not to place my livelihood in the hands of any ol' John Doe. I'm almost tempted to even say I'm out of small businesses altogether. I need a corporation with benefits.
The smallest thing happened this weekend that made me remember the love God has for me. It made me remember how good he is all the time, in every way.
I almost feel bad because I don't want to feel like now that I'm having a trial/tribulation, I'm all about God. But I know and he knows it ain't like that. Right now, I need him. He wants me to come to him, that's why he's calling me.
Fred Hammond has a song where he says, "When you can't say nothin' else, say 'Oh'." Well, I'm at a point where I can't say anything else but "God is good." He has TRULY brought me this far. All by himself. Never let me down. Never did me wrong. Even when I didn't show him love, he loved me back. Unconditionally. Never failing. Always there.
And I'm glad about it. Glad I know God and love him the way I do. Glad I know that he loves me more than I could ever imagine being loved.
This job wasn't for me. Never was. I knew it when I began. In a way, I'm sad that I didn't follow what I knew I should have done. Then again, I've been exposed to so much because of my being here. And I appreciate that.
But now, I know what I know. And from now on, as my boss said, "This is business." Give me my money. Give me my benefits. Pay for all outside efforts. Period.
This takes me back to March of last year when I got that "laid off" speech. I'm glad I've already gone through that. Having it done for the first time today probably would have been tre difficult had I not heard it before.
I'll be back with more later...