"We can get riiiiiiight..."
2004-12-17 - 2:06 a.m.
So I'm sitting up here in the office (!!!!) at 1:37am while my boss is somewhere, I'm sure, messing around with some young chick...
Ahh, the life of an EA (Executive Assistant). This guy who just left the office gave me an early Christmas present by insisting that he should take something way-the-hell-out where it needs to go. For real.
So I spoke to David a lil' bit ago. Plans have been made to chill tomorrow evening - with J in tow. Wow. LOL. We'll see how that works out.
At this point, I'm interested. But if J wants him at all, she can have him simply 'cause it came outta her mouth first and I never mentioned anything that I was thinking so hey.
And I'm mad and absolutely pissed at myself for, in a moment of complete weakness, calling Jerramy to take a quick drive with me to the office Sunday night. Yes I did. I surely did. That just left the window wide open for him to call me back on Tuesday night and say nothing and still make me feel like a real fool.
I asked my momma today how one gets over a no-good man. Her answer: Know who you are and that you are worth more. Know that there is better out there.
Seriously. From this moment on, NO MORE JERRAMY! I feel like I need to make a sign to remind myself or something. No more calling him, no more feeling sorry for him, no more wanting good for him. Not that I wish him bad but wanting anything for him means that I care about him still and that I would probably bend over backwards for him in some way and I just can't do that. It's not fair to me.
And at this point, I can only afford to be fair to me. Everybody else has to wait in line.
Right?
I need to enforce this though. For real.
I'm thinking about quitting my current job, going back to school full-time and just taking an $8 an hour job at the theatre. For real. It would be kinda difficult to pay my bills every month but hey, it's not that bad a price to pay for getting my life back and on track... Something for me to think about.
So back to David. I need to really explore my feelings on this. Be real about it for a minute here.
David. He's cool. I like his vibe. I feel comfortable whenever I see him. But I have a feeling he's a liar. A white liar. Like, he doesn't lie about big shit. But he'll lie too much about small shit to be trusted. And I can't deal with people I can't trust. At this point, it's making me feel nervous about even dealing with him on a consistent friend basis. So, we'll see.
I already told him, like I tell every nigga I come in contact with, "you ain't got to lie": I'm grown, hopefully you're grown too. You might feel the need to lie to these other females but me right here? You ain't got to lie to me. Trust, I will be alright.
Will Smith talkin' 'bout parents just don't understand. NIGGAS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
But I ain't bitter though. Guess it just comes with the territory.