TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"I realize that I just don't love you...not like I used to do."

2004-10-20 - 9:09 p.m.

So this celibacy thing got real difficult today around 7:00pm when all these old memories of sex with the Bouncer and activities with Jerramy bubbled to the surface.

It's been two months, two weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 14 minutes, 33 seconds...

Okay, okay! But it has been two months and two weeks! LOL.

A female got needs (I realized that when Virginia is here, I get real...frisky - which makes no sense whatsoever.).

But life otherwise has been pretty peaceful. Even with my hectic-as-hell schedule. As long as I get me some sleep, everything is gravy baby.

I smoked on Friday night. Haven't done that since March 2003. My friend just got back from three months in Korea. She wanted to have a good time so that's what we did, in a way. We were bad girls. Driving up and down the road with no tint on the windows, rolling and smoking with no shame.

The only reason I don't smoke on the regular is that I wasn't sure if I would still be at my job and I didn't want to find myself in a position where I had to take a urine test and failed 'cause I had something in my system and blah, blah, blah. Another reason is I have an addictive trait so I can't really get too heavy into doing anything mind-altering. I wasn't overly excited to do it as if I missed it and I don't too much look forward to doing it again. I just stopped feeling the effects today.

I only worked out twice last week. It wasn't my fault, I had other obligations in the mornings last week. I went this morning and I wanted to quit, I was so tired. But I kept at it and felt good afterwards and throughout the day. I look forward to working out again tomorrow morning.

I signed my life away to GEICO last Friday for $6,000. Can't make another claim regarding my accident in January. $6,000 sounds like a lot at first until the math is done and I'm left with $250. Which would still be nice if I didn't owe $350 for dental work already done and have $1,050 more work to do before January...

But I gotta get these teeth taken care of. It's part of my own personal "Extreme Makeover". 'Cept mine's au naturel.

I really don't like being a female sometimes. We can't just get out and do things. We can't just live our lives. We have to be harassed. It just comes with the territory.

This one guy I was around a lot when I was between 12 and 15, I'm around him for the next few months. Today, he busts out (from behind me while I'm searching for some paperwork he needs) "Girl, where all them curves come from? I remember when you was a skinny little thing! Where all this [gesture] and that [gesture] come from?!"

I tried to remind him that when he knew me, I was way into my heavy stage since I haven't been skinny since I was 8 years old but apparently, he remembers differently. I just wasn't comfortable that he was making these comments with a view from behind me. Like dude, we "at work". Don't be lookin' at me!

Ugh. LOL.

I only appreciate stuff like that when I'm in the club 'cause usually that's when I've dressed for that kind of attention. I ain't tryna hear all that noise when I'm lookin' like Who Shot John at work. Eh-eh.

And I'm excited 'cause my "employee" is gon' put me on the guestlist to see Teedra Moses and Tweet at the closing night for the Seagram's Gin Live event. I'm excited to see Teedra in the first place. But to know that I'm definitely getting in for free? Oh, I'm so happy. LOL.

Now I'm just waiting on John Stephens (am I bad because I got his home address and phone number? Yeah, I'm a stalker. I'll keep the info but I won't use it. For real, I won't.)...

But anyway, duty calls. My stomach hurts and I miss my bed. I'll holla.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016