"I won't tell your secrets. Your secrets are safe with me." Thanks Diaryland...
2004-08-15 - 1:03 a.m.
I was hongry so I made me a hot dog and I just ate it and it was good.
I'm in love with food.
Especially when I need me some comfort. Ever since I've made this decision to come into myself and leave all these niggas I fooled with in the past, I've been obsessing over what I will eat.
Today was hard in that respect. All day I've been wanting to eat each and everything. All of it. At once. Holding back was tough but I did it.
So I've made this decision. Now how do I feel?
Horny. LOL. I'm realizing tonight what I call myself giving up for a year and four months... I want to ask myself if I'm crazy but I know that it's a good thing for me. I really feel that way.
So I really wanna do this exercising thing. I've talked about it ever since I was a chunky gahl of 9 years old. For 14 years, I've talked about wanting to do this.
Today, I saw that volleyball player that used to be a VJ on MTV on an infomercial and I realized that I truly do want to be in shape. Not skinny. I don't want no washboard stomach. I just want to be toned up, in shape and out of love with food.
Work was real hard and stressful this past week. I need to do things that help the business as a whole be organized so that I can control the stress level involved in the industry.
And I think I'ma invest in a vibrator to sustain me in those real rough times that I'm sure will come in these next 16 months. Damn, what am I about to put myself into? For real. This is gonna be hard for me.
I really enjoy sex. I mean, I REALLY enjoy it. But I just can't take this constant worry that is attached to casual sex. I just can't. Even now, I'm worrying. And I can't live my days like this.
Why 25? 'Cause hopefully, by then, I'll be in a place where I feel like my stuff ain't to be touched by each and every nigga. Not that I don't feel that way now. I'm just not as strict as I need to be with it. So by 25, I believe that I'll be in a way that I'll make niggas wait 4, 5 months before they even get near it - see if they worthy.
I'm comfortable with this choice I'm making 'cause I really believe it will make me a better woman.
I promise to myself now that I will not call Jerramy anymore.
So yeah, back to that whole working out thing... I really want to get into that. Like, for real. Like, no more playing around. It's time for me to get serious with this.
I'm just gon' pray about it. I'ma pray about everything really.
My eyes are closing.