"Even if it means they gon' have to sleep on the flo' "
2004-08-12 - 9:08 p.m.
DAMN!
It's been a lil' bit 'round up in here! It's just that we've moved into an office and there has been so much work and all I'm doing is work, work, work and blah, blah, blah, blah...
Enougha that.
Things have pretty much been the same lately. 'Cept I met this dude on a Sunday and had sex with him that Wednesday.
I'm so disappointed with myself. Really, I am. No, like FOR REAL. Like, I am HIGHLY upset with myself.
So much so, that I think I need to put myself on punishment. I'm thinking no sex 'till after I'm 25.
Seriously! When I was inactive, I had everything else in life to worry about. Since I've been active, I've had everything else in life to worry about plus the possibility of pregnancy and catching an STD.
Not exactly my idea of fun. Especially when these niggas ain't even worth it. Ain't been no love in nunna this. So what was it for? That moment of excitement? Those minutes of pleasure?
There hasn't been anything emotionally to carry me after the sex is done. No sweet memories. No feelings of love or even real affection.
So why do I do it? 'Cause I have to know some nigga out there is thinkin' 'bout me. I have to know that some nigga, somewhere, is tryna figure out a way to see me, to get to me, to have a piece of me. I have to know that.
Why? 'Cause I need to feel wanted. I need to feel like some nigga, somewhere, wants me.
I know a lot of people feel like that but they ain't all out havin' sex and what-not. So why am I?
It's not right for me to feel like the way to a man is through my pussy. Period. It ain't right.
There is a man out there for me and we will connect under the right circumstances. Circumstances that make me feel comfortable and don't make me feel like I need to be doing something I don't necessarily feel like doing or want to do just to keep him around.
Enough of this.
I did a year and two months. What's a year and four?!
For real though. I need to just step back and focus the hell on me. Like, for real. Just do my thang-thizzle and not even worry 'bout all this other stuff.
I need to get back on board with the Lord and get happy again.
For real.