"Now it's you runnin' after me..."
2004-06-21 - 10:09 p.m.
I wrote this a few days ago (more like last week) but D-land was doin' the usual, not lettin' a female post and stuff.
So, here goes:
Work was so stressful for a minute the other day, I really believed I was gonna cry. LOL. But I got over it, did what needed to be done, endured what had to be endured and went home and lived my damn life.
Really, why I'ma sit up there and let some lil' shit break me? I don't think so.
So now I'm sittin' up here, wonderin' whether or not I should get a pregnancy test just to ease my mind. I was super-careful the whole weekend (and I mean, the whole weekend. hehe. oh yeah, let me clarify - baby momma has the kids on the weekends.). But still. I don't get regular action like that. So the thought of that amount of activity makes me nervous.
I'm a worrywart, I can't help it. And I know people who've gotten pregnant in some simple situations. Just makes me nervous.
But damn, if I could eff him worryfree, I'd let him hit it everyday. LOL!!!
But there's a problem here, as usual when it comes to me (btw, the dude with three kids and a wife? STILL CALLING.):
Niggas don't understand that I do not catch feelings. It just ain't in me. Okay, okay. Jerramy was the exception. Why? I still the hell don't know. I'm just going to have to live with that. But niggas in general? I just don't catch feelings. I can't do it.
Especially with this nigga I'm fuckin' now. He got four kids. Four. Not one, not two, not even three. The nigga got fo' kids. Ain't gon' be no kinda feelings comin' from me no time soon, if at all, in this situation.
I've tried to sit down and imagine myself having genuine feelings for him and I just can't do it. Matter fact, the idea makes me laugh. Not in a mean way, just in an "that is way too absurd" kinda way. I'm just not interested in him like that.
Now, as far as the sex goes, I can handle that. I can deal with us just fuckin'. That right there makes me happy. A just-fuckin' situation. I've expressed this to him and I've asked to make sure he is okay with this numerous times.
His response? He's fine with it but he wants me to know that he is catchin' feelings. Then he tells me that he understands if that scares me away.
I should walk away now but the sex is good. Like seriously. Like, it's the bomb. And that's hard for me to walk away from. LOL.
I don't know. I know that when it's time for me to get out of this situation, I'll leave. 'Cause I can't afford no more stalkers man. For real.
I'm a simple girl, man. LOL. I don't understand why I just can't find a simple boy with no attachments who doesn't want to be attached so we could handle our business and call it a day...