"I'm only human and the pressure is getting to me..."
2004-05-25 - 12:08 p.m.
Hey D!
Man, I haven't been around here in a while! Goodness.
I think about logging in and writing all the time. Half the time, I just don't know what to focus on. The other half, I just don't have the time to focus.
I'm still wanting to go back to school and get my master's. That's like my goal right about now. I just need to start acting like it.
Work is going well. There hasn't been a day yet where I've woken up and been like, "How can I get out of work today?" I think it really helps that I don't start my workday till the afternoon. My mornings can be as leisurely as I make them. That's good.
I think what I'm not completely comfortable with about my job is that I am so involved in my boss' personal life. I have a lot of say regarding his (non)relationship and I'm just not comfortable with that. I'd kinda rather it just be me coming to work, focused on work, and that's it. For now it's me coming to work, focusing on work and all his personal stuff. I'ma have to work on weeding myself out of his personal life for real.
My bills stay paid. I recently eliminated my biggest credit card debt. I feel freer because of that even though I used money from my savings to do it. That card is not for use by me anymore unless I need some furniture or something. Outside of that, that Capital One card will stay put up up up and away somewhere. I might freeze that thang in a block of ice or something. Not that I don't trust myself to stay away from it. Just that I don't want to even have the option of going to it for a spur of the moment purchase.
I haven't done well with my getting healthy shtick. I'm sick of focusing on it so much though so I've decided to go full-on into it and not looking back. I've decided that, no matter what, I am ready to dedicate myself to losing weight and building that body that I've always wanted to have. I've come to terms with the fact that it's gonna involve a great deal of sacrifice on my part. I'm ready to tackle this. I'm ready.
I was battling loneliness for a few weeks yet again. One day last week I decided that I want to be alone for a while. It's easier for me to deal with being single this way. For me to say to myself that I don't want a significant other in my life anytime soon and mean it. I'm comfortable with this decision. I am. For now.
I'm sleepy but looking forward to the rest of my week. God is, as always, good. I'm mostly happy, just have a lot of praying to do to get through a few tough thoughts.