2004-04-15 - 8:33 p.m.

Man, I had to come on here and write this out before I forget!

Here I am, just got to my new job. I was mad tired and my boss wasn't in the office so I figured I'd just sit down and take a quick nap.

I was setting up everything just in case I needed to pop up like I had been working if my boss was to show up unexpectedly while I was laying down.

I hear my cellphone ringing.

I go to answer it.

The number is a long distance number, which didn't raise any red flags with me 'cause I figured it would be a client of my boss's calling or something.

Before I get too far into it, I have to post my horoscope for today:

Better pick up some throat lozenges on the way home from work, because it's going to be a very chatty evening. If you're attached, prepare for a 'state of the union' address. If you're not, that could change -- soon.

I read that this morning and I was like, "WHATEVER". LOL.

So back to me getting the phone call.

I answer:

Me: "Hello?"

Dude: "Hi, how are you doing?"

Me: "Fine, who's this?"

Dude: "May I speak to Amber."

Me: "Speaking. Who is this?"

Dude: "Cal."

Me: "Cal, who? Who is 'Cal'?"

Dude: "Cal. It's Cal. Let me set up the scenario for you..."

Me: "Cal?! Nigga, you are crazy!"

WHY oh WHY do niggas in my life do this?! WHY do they creep they lil' crazy asses back waaaay after I don' given up all whatever I ever had for them? WHY?

It never fails. I just can't understand it.

I don' gave the whole Cal situation up to the Lord in prayer and here it is, 6 MONTHS LATER, and I'm getting a phone call OUT. OF. THE. BLUE.

Wow. I really mean it. Wow. Wow as in this phenomenon is really getting ridiculous, wow.

Wow as in I can't understand why niggas like to play with me like this, wow.

Wow as in I can't even believe I'm contemplating calling his ass back, wow!

What the hell is MY problem?

But what is so funny to me about this phenomenon is that I think these niggas right into damn existence. It's like they can sense I'm thinking about them for whatever reason, so they contact me.

Like Cal. Just Monday, the whole meeting him incident popped into my mind. Like, all of a sudden. Like, out the blue for real, for real. I didn't even think about the whole incident. I just thought about a few parts of it.

And here it is Wednesday and I hear from him after six months.

Damian is a constant thing like that.

Reggie and Jerramy are too. The whole Cal calling thing just made the phenomenon freakin' ridiculous.

The big question now is do I call?

Honestly, my initial reason for calling was just to hear the lies that come out of his mouth as to why it's been six months since I've heard from him so that I can have me a good laugh. Honestly. And honestly, that is still the only reason I would want to call him.

I have no interest in anything dealing with Cal. He means nothing to me. He did for like a month after I met him but since I gave the sitch with him up to the Lord, he has meant nothing to me.

And I don't want him to mean anything to me. So I really don't want to call him and give him the opportunity to get all up in my head. Not that it would be easy. Just that me calling him would be a door for him to open if he knows how to jimmy the lock.

And honestly, I don't want that to happen.

There are too many "why"s for me to be comfortable with that happening.

Once my trust in you has been tainted, it's over. I can't fully trust you anymore.

All those "why"s have tainted my trust in terms of Cal.

And why should I call him back anyway? Like I asked him, "Who is Cal?"?! Why should I call his ass back like he is somebody special I've been waiting to hear from when that is not the case at all.

I am SO tempted to erase his number from my Received Calls log so that I don't ever have a way of calling him ever again. And I mean SO tempted to do that!

And it makes me sick 'cause I had gotten to the point where I didn't even remember what I was upset about in dealing with the whole situation with him. I didn't even, and still don't, remember whatever feelings, good or bad, I had regarding Cal.

So why, when I don' got my mind ALL RIGHT, does he wanna try and slither his way on over to my peace of mind?

Ugh! It's ridiculous.

We'll see where the night takes me. I have the willpower to just call and hear the lies and never call again. I have it. And I will apply it if I do end up calling him this here eve.

Well, anyway, I'm tired and hungry. I'm out this bee-itch!

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