"Life has no guarantees..."
2004-03-18 - 11:15 a.m.
My head is starting to hurt...
The throat-ache is starting to go away...
Not quite what I would like but I'll take a throat-ache over a headache anyday. On the reala.
Which reminds me: Jessica Simpson is, as we say in Miami, "the realess" for going all up in the beauty supply stores to get the weave. Although me and J agreed that she got the wrong one. She needed to blend better. But for somebody who don't neva have a clue, she is "the realess".
But yeah, back to my mood right now.
It's a few different emotions mixed in me today. And it just hit me within the last hour. When I opened my eyes this morning, I wasn't feeling like that.
Although maybe it started in the middle of the night...
I woke up to the feeling that somebody was touching me. I wasn't afraid at all though, which is different. When I've woken up before to a feeling of being touched, I've been afraid. But this time, I was more angry than anything. My one opportunity for 7 hours of sleep, and it was being interrupted by somebody touching up on me.
And there was the weirdest HEAT in the area where my face was. It felt like I was laying in the path of some direct sunlight. I tried to figure out where it was coming from to no avail. Something was in my bed with me last night. What or who it was, I would be interested in finding out.
Hopefully it was just a guardian angel letting me know I'm not alone. I won't accept that it was anyone or anything else. Especially since I wasn't afraid.
I used to watch wrestling when I was little. I just remembered that. Did it used to come on on Sunday nights? I think so. I can't really remember. But I just had a flashback of me sitting in front of the tv with my two cousins when we were little girls. So yeah, I used to watch Wrestling (like Wrestlemania type stuff) when I was little but I can't even think of watching some now.
And last night at 10:39pm, I finally remembered that the Chapelle show comes on Wednesday nights at 10:30pm. It was funny. The part that had me CRACKING UP was when he said something about pickles to the lawyer.
Lawyer: "What?"
D.C.: "Huh?"
Lawyer: *a little louder now* "What?"
D.C.: *arching his neck forward* "Huh?"
LOL!!!! Got me laughin' at my damn job. Now that was some funny stuff. LOL!!!
I saw the preview for next week and now I'm all excited even though I might not be home 'cause I got somewhere to go next Wednesday night. He's gonna have some of the members of MTB2 on there. I laughed for about five minutes off that, "So you gon' do your hair Choppa? That's what you gon' do? And you gon' do your taxes Ness? That's what's goin' on in the streets?" LOL!!!!
Dave Chapelle is funnnyyyy.
I really think Jessica Simpson thinks the words to the National Anthem are "Oh sake, can you see?" That's what it sounded like. That girl... I blame her mother.
I got bills though. Bills I shouldn't even be responsible for being that it wasn't my fault that that old bastard wasn't payin' attention to what he was doin' when he hit me FROM BEHIND! Shit. That. makes. me. mad! I feel like takin' his ass to civil court or somethin'. He ain't broke, I know that much.
If I hit somebody and I had me a lil' money, I'd break 'em off a lil' sumum sumum without them even having to ask. I'd go to the hospital with them to make sure they were okay after the accident and all that shit. I wouldn't just go home and not even tell anybody I was in an accident where I hit somebody as if the shit never happened.
I gotta go to court as a witness against him on the 29th. I'm sho'll gon' hold my neck stiff and say, "Yes, your honor. It was him that hit me. No, your honor. He did not try to find out if I was okay for the 20 minutes between the time that he hit me and the time that I got the neck brace put on." And I'ma give him the gas face! What?!
And for the first time in 11 months, I missed the damn turn to get to my job. And it was 'causa a mean ole' granny that wouldn't let me over. Stank heffa! Make me sick. I had to go 'bout 5 miles out my way just to get back to my damn job. And I was finally gon' be on time even though I had done left my house all late. HEFFA!
I let it go though. I let it go.
I'm so happy. I paid TWO bills. Not one. TWO! Yay! I love payin' bills and not bein' in debt. I gotta work on that not bein' in debt thang though. Two credit cards need to be taken care of before I consider myself no longer in debt.
And I ain't get on the treadmill last night. Instead, I had me some ice cream with Oreo cookie topping. Sho'll did, sho'll did.
And it was because of my friend VitaVita that I realized that "sho'll" stands for "sure will".
"I sho'll will" = " I sure will will."
"I sho'll woulda" = "I sure will woulda"
Hey, everybody I say it to understands what the hell I'm sayin'. LOL!
But yeah, I had me some ice cream and cookies last night. And why the phuh I gotta feel bad about it? Skinny people get to eat ice cream all the time! J used to eat it as a meal a FEW times a week! So why I gotta feel bad about having some ice cream once a month?! Why the phuh? That ain't fair! I hate skinny people!!!
Okay. Okay. I'm back to my senses. I don't hate anybody, much less skinny people. I just don't appreciate the fact that they can eat ice cream more than once a month and not have to worry about it changing damn-near the entire shape of their damn body.
I JUST found out that this young guy I grew up with for a few years got killed in a drive-by shooting last night. I'm like damn. I don't even know how to react to it. And it's really terrible 'cause I just found out his mom is in failing health like a few days ago. His dad died of a heart-attack a few years back.
My ear is ringing. The right one. I don't even know what to think right now so I'm just writing. I feel bad about not leaving work and going to sit with the family right now but I just can't. It would really be too much.
I can't believe this boy is dead. D-E-A-D. Just like that. Just like that. Just like that.
And I was just thinking about going by his house to see his mom. I'm kinda glad I didn't 'cause I would have seen him one last time after not seeing him for years. That woulda messed my head all up.
When it's your time to go, it's your time to go. It's crazy though. The last time I saw him face to face was after the funeral for his father. I saw him a couple years ago on a television show. He was in a group, tryin' to do his music thang. Damn, man. This is sad.
And his brother. Man, that used to be my dog in elementary and middle school! For real! He was like my brother man. This is what is killing me the most about this situation. I know he is dying inside, for real. I don't even want to see his face. I can't imagine what he is going through. All the weight and responsibility to make sure everything is okay is gonna be on his shoulders now. Man, man, man.
And I can't even say life is unfair 'cause life doesn't have the responsibility of being fair or unfair. Life just is what it is: Life. You live, you die. Period.
God is still good. His will is the way. There's nothing right or wrong about it. I don't know why he took this young man into his kingdom. It is not my place to ask why. All I can do is pray for the family and be supportive in this time.
It's still sad though. Nothing makes it any less sad.
This is why I get all apprehensive when I see it's my mother calling me when I'm at work. I'm always thinking it's some bad news. When she said, "Heeeey", I knew it was. I tried to brace myself but even then, I couldn't have been prepared for what she told me.
This is ironic to me too, 'cause I was just thinkin' about that day my freshman year when I pranced into my dorm room only to hear a message from my mom that my cousin Bud had died. He was young and just up and taken away too.
But again, it ain't my place to ask why so I won't. I'll just keep praying all over this situation.
Lord, help us as only you can.
"Where the spirit of the Lord is
There is liberty
Where the spirit of the Lord is
The captured are set free
The wounded are made whole
There is rest for my soul
Where the spirit is
There is liberty"
Kirk Franklin & the Family, "Where the Spirit Is"
This just really makes me remember how thankful I need to be for every new day of life. I'm glad that I was thankful to see another beautiful day when I woke up instead of wishing I hadn't woken up at all.