2004-03-08 - 12:18 p.m.

"Just wanted you to talk to me
I know it's been a while
And to answer your question
You are still my child
M child"
Mary, Mary, "My Child"

I'll get to that a lil' later.

First, I'm back. Safe and sound from my trip. And a trip was what it was!

I had a GREAT time in New York. I really, really did. The fact that I went and was able to experience it with D and J made it even that much better. For real.

I saw damn-near every place I wanted to see and then some. We stayed in Brooklyn (Sutter Ave and Rock(a)way Parkway).

Tuesday was Times Square and TRL (which I have yet to see!).

Wednesday was Chinatown, Harlem (site of my infamous vomit spree), and East Brooklyn (for the ever-elusive-via-subway Junior's).

Thursday we experienced Queens via Jamaica Ave. (Youngmanchasingmedown: "Miss! Miss! Miss, you in the middle! You are THICK AS HELL! I'm serious!")

Friday was back to Harlem for a healthy jaunt down 125th Street all the way up to 137th (right next to Striver's Row), following misdirections (even from a police officer!) in East Brooklyn to find Carol's Daughter (yes! I finally made it!) and a loooooong trip to Coney Island (which is closed until Easter and we couldn't even see anything anyway for the fog that decided to settle over the city). [And in true "only happens to us" fashion, we ran into a classmate from the alma mater who doesn't even live in New York, was staying in Manhattan for a day and just happened to come to Sylvia's for lunch like we did.]

Saturday, me and D passed by the Statue of Liberty on the Staten Island Ferry (where the real hot dogs were!) and all three of us departed from our gracious host and headed back on down to sunny M-I-A (where we were steadily mistaken for New Yorkers).

I really really enjoyed New York. I wouldn't have a problem picking up and moving up there (Brooklyn!) right this minute but I think I better get my master's out of the way before I decide to relocate anywhere. I need school behind me so that I can act a fool for real wherever I move to.

And honestly, the people were real friendly up there. I didn't run into half the nonsense I bump into down in Miami. Some of them up there really got some Southern hospitality in they blood. They just don't know it.

And isn't it a shame that the people who claim to be your friends are the ones who are the most negative about you getting out and seeing things? Two females are barking all kinda noise in my ear 'cause I ain't call and give them my damn travel itinerary, letting them know where I'ma be at what time, etc. They mad 'cause they want me to go to Jamaica with them and I don't wanna go. I ain't tell 'em the truth yet but maybe I should just let them know, "I don't enjoy myself in your company." Maybe then they'll shut up.

I spent a whole buncha money up there all on myself. At first, I felt bad about it 'cause I know there are so many other places that money could have gone. But then, I realized that I never do anything like that for myself, it ain't like I'ma be doing it again anytime soon and it's my money! I should be able to do with it what I want. So, I spent. And spent and spent. Not as badly as I could have but enough where it's still kinda bothering me today. But my bills are paid and I'm not heading towards the red so I need to calm down about it.

Back up to "My Child" by Mary, Mary.

I realized over this trip that my relationship with God ain't where I want it to be. Hasn't been for a long time. While I was in the last two years at school, it was getting there. Right after I graduated, it was still all good. But recently, I've just been feeling myself drifting away.

I've been noticing that I don't focus on God and that I'm not taking being a Christian as seriously as I would like to. I've allowed running around and being busy to be excuses for me not being focused on my spiritual well-being.

That ain't right.

I know that I'm already running away from the life I want to live in Christ because I want to experience things without feeling guilty. That ain't the thing for me to do because, no matter what, when I do something I'm not supposed to do as a Christian, I feel bad about it. I surely do. 'Cause I've already learned what is right and wrong to do. Not everything, but a lot. And I still continue to do or think or say because I call myself experiencing life.

And that ain't right. For me. It's just not right.

I want to start focusing on my spiritual well-being and being the way I know I should be. I'm just so intimidated by the change that would come. It would be a great change that would make me really happy, I'm just holding back because of how it might affect those around me. But I can't hold off on my salvation for others, right?

I know.

I know that God sees my mind and my heart and he knows my thoughts. I believe that he is working with me in this and he's already walking me through it.

"Impossible is not a fact. It is an opinion." I saw this in New York and my Sunday School teacher said it yesterday. Something's coming up, I feel it. I'm trying to get ready.

I woke up this morning, earlier than I had to, and got my butt on that treadmill. Did 33 minutes of good work on it too. I plan to do this every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (since I sleep in later 'cause I have chiro appointments on those days). I ate like a fool in New York. Not a fool-fool, but a fool. I didn't do any squats or crunches while I was there, either. The only thing that saved me from gaining my weight back was all that walking we did (especially when we were getting lost). My legs got a full workout everyday we were there and I loved it!

But for real, me and that treadmill 'bout to become the best of buddies. I want to even get out on the weekends and do my walking outside. I need some of this fresh spring air to clear my mind.

Yeah, I want to be dedicated to me for a little while 'cause once April comes, it's back into overdrive.

Alright. Yeah. I'm back. Let me get to work.

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