2004-02-24 - 8:47 a.m.

Wow.

I mean wow.

I don't have a ding-damn thang to talk about today.

Nothing to ramble about.

Nothing to ponder.

Nothing to question...

Well, actually, that's a lie. I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to fit in my responsibilities to the theatre, my duties at my house, shopping and packing all into this Saturday. I just don't feel like thinking about all that right now though.

"Please take me back
Aww baby, can't go on
I'm not happy in my life without you
I'll do whatever it takes
I got to get you back here again
I realize
I need you here in my life"
Anita Baker, "No One In The World"

I used to sang! that song when I was younger. I still appreciate Ms. Baker.

I just can't believe I'ma be up in New York next week. It kind of freaks me out 'cause we're going up there with no agenda but to see the city and have an enjoyable time. I think I'd feel better if the trip was already mapped out. Like:

8:00am, Wednesday morning - Tour of Harlem

I love itineraries. I get excited when I see them. I get excited when my time is supposed to be dedicated to specific activities.

No plan, no responsibilities for my time to fulfill, no place where I'm supposed to be... It's kind of unsettling.

But it's what I need right now. I need to give that inner gypsy a chance to roam. I need to set aside rules for a few days and just exist.

I won't be working. I won't be cleaning. I won't be running around. I won't be doing anything but experiencing.

That, I'm looking forward to.

*yaaawwwwnnnn* I'm sweepy, sweepy, sweepy.

And I finally spoke to Jerramy last night. We've been playing the biggest game of phone tag since Saturday night.

J had called him back on Sunday acting like she had my cell phone and I wasn't around even though she was sitting in the passenger seat as we went to pick up some food for the actors. She did it without my permission but I didn't stop her...

She basically said a few things that really put that jealousy into his mind. In a way, I was happy with that. I don't like playing games with people but yeah, he deserved it a little bit.

(This is what happens when I don't have anything to talk about - I end up talking about some nigga.)

So when we spoke last night, it was basically him trying to verify some of the suggestions she made regarding me and my love life. I didn't admit or deny anything. Not that I want him to think things that aren't true. Just that I don't want him to know my business at all. I'm nosy, so I want to know his. But him knowing mine? Naw, that ain't gon' work.

I ended the conversation saying that I had to go to work. Before I could say goodbye, he rushed into:

"I love you *****. I miss you."

"Goodnight Jerramy." Click.

I know he says that ish to see how I feel about him 'cause he knows I must still care something about him if I'm calling to check up on his health and how things are going in his life. I was never really in love with him. It was more I loved him as a person 'cause he has a good heart. He's just misguided with it. So am I, but still.

It didn't even fluster me when he said I love you. My heart didn't feel a thing and my mind was like, "Whatever's clever, Trevor." I'm glad I don't care about him loving me anymore.

And since I'm talking about guys right now (something I really didn't feel like doing today at all!), I'll just go into my rant at how I'm mad at Reggie and his damn Aries arrogance. As soon as the script is not about him anymore, he wants to act up.

He knows this guy that J wants to get to know. He and the guy are good friends. So J forced me to call Reggie to get in contact with the other guy. Reggie is now hatin' 'cause the focus has moved past him, so he won't come on with the info on the other guy. I wouldn't even hate on him like that so I'm mad he's hatin' in this situation.

He's still an ego-booster for me but I will not be contactin' his ass anymore.

I've really enjoyed this play at the theatre. Working it and all. It's just that there are other things I be wantin' (yes, "be wantin'") to do with my weekends and because I also work there, I find myself all tied up at the theatre all the time. Shoot, I want to just go home after work at my job-job and relax. I want to watch television and listen to the radio. I want to burn CDs. Shucks, I wanna listen to the 15 new CDs I have that still have the plastic on 'em!

I'm mad 'cause I even had that Kanye West since the beginning of January (J talks to a guy from the Chi) and I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet! The Black Album - had it since Christmas and ain't put it in the CD player yet. Kelis - had her since before Christmas and ain't play a song yet. Matter fact, I wonder where that CD is...

I even bought Twista and Nelly Furtado's new CDs and messed around and lost them. I just found them in the back pocket of the passenger seat in my car the other night...

The main issue is that I haven't had a two-hour block of time during Best Buy's regular store hours to go and get a damn CD player installed in my car. I've been playing the same Mary J. Blige "My Life", En Vogue "Born to Sing" and the CD I made a while ago that I copied onto a cassette tape since I got my car last month! I'm pissed about that. I will be in Best Buy the day after I get back from New York. Period.

My money is lookin' mighty right these days. I don't even know how. I just knew this month was gonna completely break me (with that $300 in extra bills this month) but surprisingly, I've held my bank account above water in a mighty way. I haven't shopped in quite some time, so I guess that has something to do with it. But still... I'm just happy about it man... I get happy when a female bank account is lookin' right and all the bills are paid.

This always happens when I say I don't have anything to talk about. I end up yapping forever. LOL.

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