"Flash the message: Something's out there."
2004-02-18 - 11:46 a.m.
What I'm trying to understand is how the hell do I think I'ma survive in New York?!
It is 52 degrees outside right now (maybe 60 in the blazing sun) and I am FREEZING. Damn-near teeth chattering, freezing. My fingers and toes are numb and I'm tryna keep 'em covered, freezing. I just want to stay inside all day, freezing.
And I have the nerve to think I'ma make 6 days in New York in less than two weeks?! Psh! Child please!
I think I'ma dedicate part of my Saturday morning to scopin' out the thrift stores to find me something that can maintain some kind of warmth in my body. My Miami blood is thin as water. If I get up to New York and the weather is anything colder than this, I might have to hop my butt right back on the plane and come home...
I am very well rested this morning, I am happy to report. I did everything I wanted to do yesterday except the poetry spot.
I really wanted to go too. Had planned to go by myself in the beginning but then thought J was gonna roll too. She got out of class late and I was still at work and past tiyuhd so I decided just to go on home and do what I could with that grown-ass-man pile of laundry in my desk chair.
All the way home, I was still contemplating going to the poetry spot. I didn't because (always 2 things!) one, I was tiyuhd and didn't want to mess around and fall asleep, no matter how good the poetry was. Two, I realized that something that was pushing me to go was that my horoscope said that I should go out last night if I was single and wanted to meet somebody.
Stop.
That is what really made me go right on home. I realized that I was going partly (and only partly) to "look" for somebody. Nobody in particular, just somebody. I would have been going (spurred on by my horoscope) with the hope in the back of my mind that I would meet a guy there. Nope, nope, nope. Not gonna work.
I am not tryna look. I refuse. I'm not saying that I am sitting around waiting on the one to come crawling to me on his knees. Not saying that at all (even though it would be nice...). I'm just saying that I will not be pushing myself to my limits just on the chance that I might run into the perfect nigga. If it's meant for me to run into the perfect nigga, I'll run into him when I'm feeling nice and rested, not dog tired.
"Sweet prince of the ghetto
Your kisses taste like Amaretto"
Lauryn Hill, "The Sweetest Thing"
I don't know why this song is stuck in my head. From last week! Different lines pop up and attack me while I'm driving. It was this one today.
Well, I ain't got nothin' to talk about today. Life is just really moving these days. One day is quickly turning into the next...