"You should hold on."
2004-02-12 - 3:54 p.m.
The night before the ceremony that would reveal who received one of the 15 full-tuition scholarships to the college I had always dreamed of attending, I laid across my bed and prayed. Hard. I prayed like I'd never prayed before in my life because, up until that point, I had a big problem with God and the way my life was. But with the weight of that situation on my shoulders, I knew nothing else to do but pray.
So hard praying is what I did. I prayed so hard, I fell asleep praying. Lights on. Everything. I straight fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I was praying. And I was so filled with peace. It was the strangest feeling because I had never felt it before. I woke up the morning of the ceremony and I just knew that no matter what happened, everything would be alright.
So, we went throughout our days, my mother and I. She came home with a velvet dress for me to wear to the ceremony. I appreciated it so much.
We headed out to the ceremony, she and I. I put on Faith Evans' "Keep The Faith" and let that song ride out from the time we left the house to the time we got to the banquet hall.
We went in and got situated. Dinner was served, then the ceremony began.
Scholarships were being awarded for three different schools but I was only there to see if I would receive a scholarship for my dream U.
The presenters for the other two schools went up first and announced who had received scholarships. My name was not called for those U's so I was happy about that, in a way, 'cause I didn't want to go to those schools but nervous too because if my name wasn't called for my dream U, I wouldn't have a scholarship at all.
The presenter for my dream U came up and began announcing the scholarship recipients. She went through about three or four, then came to the category I had entered under. I believe it was Fine Arts. I entered under that one because I was into acting and all that at the time. She gave a description that didn't fit me because it wasn't me whose name she called. I was so hurt.
For a minute, I was really really hurt. I felt like it was all over. Then, I buc'd up and realized that I was still going to college, just not at my dream U. I would be able to go for free to any school in the State because I qualified for a state scholarship that paid tuition at any state school.
So, everything would really be alright. I was disappointed, but life would move on.
Nevertheless, we kept count (15 scholarships were being given away) of the recipients and held onto a small glimmer of hope that my name would be called in another category.
The announcer got to the 15th scholarship recipient and, again, the description did not fit me. Like I said, I had moved past the hurt. It was just the finality of the situation that kinda had me stunned. At that point, I was just trying to make it through the rest of the ceremony so that I could go home.
The announcer was still talking but I was barely listening to her. I just assumed she was closing up her presentation.
In my mind, I could hear words here and there out of what she was saying. For some reason, I started to focus on what she was saying. She said that there are usually only 15 scholarships to give away but that particular year, there would be 16. The last category was for Language Arts. I didn't even think anything of it because I had entered under Fine Arts.
Next thing I know, homegirl was up there reading a description that fit me. I kept telling myself it was someone else. But then, she called my name! I don't even remember what my momma did. All I know is I hopped up and started saying, "Thank You Jesus!" 'cause that right there was a miracle. Everybody started clapping and smiling and laughing 'cause I did a dance all the way up to the stage.
I stood at the front staring at the award plaque. I just couldn't believe I had gotten a full-tuition scholarship to go to my dream university. All my life, I had wanted to go to that school but never really saw it as possible because the school is so expensive. Nevertheless, God wanted me to go to that university so he made a way.
And how befitting that, through my experiences there, I became closer to God.
I love the way he works my life. I really do. While I had the time, I figured I'd write about the night of the scholarship banquet that would determine my college experience. Whenever I think about that whole experience, I get reminded of how good God truly is.