2004-01-30 - 8:25 a.m.

Okay. I'm the type of person to make a situation work. No matter what it is. Now, I haven't always been like that and I'm still not always like that but I find that it makes thing a lot easier to deal with so I try to make the best of every situation I find myself in.

My car radio. I just bought the car so I can't expect the bomb system to be up in it yet. I was a little taken aback that cars are still sold with cassette players but I knew I'd be soon to be getting a CD player installed so I ain't sweat it too hard. But, being that music is high up there on my list of loves, I have to have it. Can't really drive without it. I was struggling with the radio stations down here for a few minutes one day but decided I'd rather drive in silence...

Last night, I remembered that I still had a whole bunch of old cassette tapes in my possession. So, this morning before I ran out the door, I chose a few to keep me company on my morning ride. I had Mary's "My Life" and a few other mixed tapes (the original "mix tape". LOL!!).

The first one I popped in was a mixed tape. The first song that greeted my ears was 112's "Someone to Hold". Mayn! I love that song!!! Right after it was one of my favorite songs of all time, SWV's "Rain". So, I was just all elated driving to work this morning 'cause I had my mixed tapes to calm and comfort me on my way to work.

*I hear you Lord.*

I have to say, me and the girls really had a good time last night. Like, for real. Like, it wasn't the best time I've ever had at that spot but it was one of the best. Definitely one to be remembered.

They had one poet from out of town that no one even knew was coming (not even the host). That lady to' it up! Got a standing ovation up in that mugg, and my people don't get off they bootays for nothin'. She was just so on point. Just....SO ON POINT! with hers! She talked about leaving her umbrella at work and issues... Man, she needs a book, a CD, something!

But me and the girls, we just really had a good time. We're always the youngest there so maybe that's why we can't avoid the attention we always seem to get for one reason or another. Last night, we were "spotlighted" for something someone that wasn't even under our control! It was hilarious though, for real.

And Miss Pooh had her eye out for Real for me. She saw him as soon as he came in and watched him until we left.

In a way, it's funny to me. The way me and Real interact... I don't know. To me, it just feels like the way it feels when you don't talk to someone you used to really talk to before. Like, somebody you really sat down and poured your heart out to like that. But then decided it would be best to not talk anymore.

But yeah, Miss Pooh. She said that Real was staring at me the entire night. No matter where we went, he was around. Upstairs. Downstairs. It didn't matter.

A lot of the guys I've dealt with, if we're out in public and I'm not talking to them anymore (not like, "I'm not talkin' to you 'cause I'm mad at you." More like, "I fell out of interest with you, so I'm moving on." LOL!), they still find their way around me. They'll just stand in very close proximity to me and make their presence known but won't speak. It's always enough for my friends to notice and let me know 'cause most of the time, I'm oblivious.

So yeah, Real did that last night. Up in the poetry room, down in the dance lounge... He hovered. I saw him this time, 'cause he's always the tallest person around. But I assumed he was more into working other females in the crowd. But no, he stayed around my area.

It's hard when you don't exactly know what's going through somebody's head. LOL. For real! I want to speak but I don't know what to say 'cause I don't want to come across the wrong way but then, the way I talk to him, anything could be assumed. So, I just don't say anything at all. And he must be thinkin' the same thing 'cause he acts the same way...

I was watching him speak yesterday and I just kept thinking to myself, "That man is 37 years old... But he still sexy!" LOL. I was also thinking about the fact that there were many other women in the room who were about to go crazy just listening to what he was saying, women much closer to his age...

My problem is I'm so concerned with what other people may think.

Whatever. I just this second felt like getting over this whole Real crush. So, that's what I'm gonna do since I'm the queen of shutting down my emotions.

Over it.

Moving on...

It was so difficult for me to get up this morning. I didn't have to drag myself out of the bed but that was only once I saw the time. I was late. Late late. LOL.

Other than that, I really ain't got much to talk about.

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