2004-01-28 - 9:11 a.m.

I ain't even tired. I can't believe it myself, but I ain't tired at all right now.

I guess it was that "special awakening" I had this morning...

I'm just gonna detail my whole after work experience from yesterday. LOL.

So, I headed out to the Chiropractor's office. I told him about the headaches I've been having and he said he would readjust my neck 'cause it was out of place. Now, I just had my neck readjusted on Friday so I didn't think it would make much of a difference. But mayn! He cracked my neck something good! I immediately started feeling better. I woke up without a headache this morning - the first time in days.

After my visit, I went home and watched some Oprah After-the-Show moments. One of my fantasies has always been to work for Sean Combs... I still hold onto it in a way.

Went to spend time with the kids at the center. They have one little guy who's been there for a few months in the baby room. I saw him the week before last and he was just crawling away... Now yesterday, when I saw him, he was walking all over the place. Standing straight up and walking fast! He is too cute! When they've been there for so long, it's hard when they leave the center. I be missin' them...

Went home and changed into some bummy clothes (remember, all my good clothes are dirty) and headed out to a poetry spot. Now, this spot is not my usual spot but it's been going on for about just as long as the other place. I've always wanted to go so I got myself together and dragged D along.

I just love me some poetry. I guess it's mostly 'cause I wish I could express my feelings like that. It's so hard for me to gather my thoughts well enough to create a piece of poetry. I can't write down my thoughts in the form of prose. Just can't do it. So, I go hear other people do it. And feel happy for them that they are able to get those feelings out.

But back to the spot. When we got there, there weren't many people inside. The place is well-known but it's a Tuesday night, so it's hard to get a lot of people out. As the night went on, though, more people joined the party.

But D let me know that she had seen that dude I was being shady to from last week (I'll call him Real from now on). He's a popular poet and basically, performing is his life. So, he's everywhere all the time. We went inside and sat down. I was close to an out-of-the-way wall so I figured I wouldn't too much have to think about having to see him up close or speak with him.

So, the show commenced. The host was funny and looked like Mos Def's little brother...except for the 4 golds to the top. LOL. The people were mostly older. I believe me and D were the youngest in the building, as usual. LOL.

There's a poet who is a regular at the other spot we go to. He's a nice, older gentleman. (I'll call him Napoleon...) (...LOL!) Single and looking. So, he has chosen to try and woo me. LOL. He calls me "Chocolate" and anytime he says hi to me, his hand finds its way to the small of my back.

He performed last night. Even though I know he was situated way on the other side of the room, he made his way over to the area where me and D were sitting. I felt him staring so I looked over at him. He gon' squint his eyes and say, "Heeeyy... I thought I recognized you!" I'm thinkin', "Mmm-hmm..." He leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek, which I let him do.

I don't know how exactly it happened but he ended up kissing me right on my mouth! LOL!!!! I was dyin' inside! Dyin' as in CRACKING UP! He tried to put it off on me talkin' 'bout, "Oh, girl. Slow down. I ain't easy." He walked away (I guess to compose himself) and then gon' come back and say, "They was soft though. I felt 'em and they was soft." I just smiled and let him have that. It probably made his day. I just hope he don't come on Thursday, tryin' to play that same game again. He gon' make me shut him down!

He and Real are friends. So, close to the end of the night, Napoleon went outside. I thought he had left. I knew Real was still hanging around outside.

Apparently, Napoleon and Real were discussing something other than poetry outside. I saw Real come back in and from way over by the entrance, he lookin' at me. Dead at me. Now, there was no way to know I was over there unless he was told...

Mmm-hmmm...

In the dark and all, he lookin'. I saw him lookin' but I acted like I didn't. Then, I realized that I did want to get his CD before he becomes a big star (basically after this weekend) so I let it be known that I was returning his looks. He came all the way over to where I was to say hi and give me a kiss...on the cheek, of course! Hey, I ain't easy either!

He wanted to talk but I was all about gettin' the CD. I made it more of a business situation. I'm good at that.

D had been ready to go for a while (I don't think she likes poetry all that much even though she loves literature and writing.) so I took going outside with Real to get his CD as our opportunity to leave. We headed out behind him. He held the door then walked right beside me.

I asked him about his upcoming trip and from his responses, I could sense that he is nervous about it. He got the CD and I paid him. I kept it real businessy. LOL. I'm glad D was there too, 'cause I ain't have to talk much. I wished him a safe and fun trip. I made it look like we had to run so me and D was out.

The whole time, I worked hard to avoid eye contact. I didn't want to betray what I was working to make him believe - that I didn't give a rat's ass about what went down between us. The one time I did look up and into his eyes though, I could see a question there.

I still kinda like him. I won't admit it anymore (at least to anyone else), but I still do kinda like him. He's not even the oldest guy that I've been interested in even though he's 37. LOL!!! But for real. The age, I don't even see it. It's just his whole position.

Because of who he is, I can't admit that I still kinda like him. I only let a few people know in the beginning in the first place. But I'll never let anybody know again. I know he will be successful and, every achievement that he makes, I will be happy for him. But I won't let anyone know. He already knows and that's enough for me.

I went home and, even though it was late, proceeded to read some newspaper articles and an ESPN article about a dude from my alma mater (And to think, I ain't even know who the boy was when I met him!). I turned on the tv to catch some of Midnight Love. I used to not be able to sleep peacefully unless I watched Midnight Love. LOL. That was my show in college! I ain't seen it in months since I gotta get up at the crack of dawn for work. But I watched Tyrese sing "Why You Wanna Act Like That". I LOVE the part of the video where he is talkin' all on that girl's chin and neck! That is so shexy! Oh my goodness! LOL. Mmm, mmm, mmm!!!!

I drove my car yesterday for the first time too. I mean, really drove it. I drove it to the Center and back and then to the poetry spot and back. I miss my ECHO but this car is real nice. LOL.

I call him Chocolate Baby Brown. I don't know where that came from being that the car is black. It just feels right when I say it. I wanna give him a good name though, so Chocolate Baby Brown might end up being his subtitle. He rides real smooth and real quiet. It's a different experience feeling like I'm so low to the ground but I'm sure I'll get used to it pretty soon. I ain't got no choice.

It's kinda bothersome for me to see Real at a time like this. I am not interested in anybody at this point. Not one person. I don't know what it is, I just don't get excited when I see guys the way I used to. I used to see a handsome guy and just get all bent out of shape.

Now, I see one, I think to myself, "Ooh, he's cute." and then I keep it moving. I don't give it a second thought. I don't know what happened but it's really not an issue anyway. I kinda like it better this way 'cause I ain't pining after nobody.

But the problem with Real is that my like for him still lingers so, in the silence that exists in that part of me because I ain't even interested in anybody else, that lingering like is echoing. But only when I see him, which is the good thing. I don't hear the echoes when I'm not seeing him. I know they're there but I don't hear them.

I'm gonna see him Thursday and Saturday at the regular spot and his spot, respectively. I have to buc up so I don't fall under the spell of the echoes of the lingering like. I should be able to make it. LOL.

What I just thought about... Napoleon and even Real were kinda surprised to see me there at that spot last night. That spot is for people who really enjoy just the poetry. The other spot I go to, it's more about the ambience. You get dressed up and show off and all that at the other spot I've been a regular at. Honestly, the only reason I've been a regular over there is because it's Miss Pooh's only real chance to get out and be with adults. I tired of it long ago. But I still go to support her.

Me, on the other hand, I'm damn-near a poetry groupie. Where there's poetry, so do I want to be. Not ever to speak it. Just to hear it.

Back to Napoleon and Real though. They probably assumed I was just going to the other spot for the atmosphere. So, seeing me at the poetry spot last night had them surprised. And I really did enjoy last night more than I've enjoyed the other spot. That's why you can't judge a book by its cover.

I'm happy that I have no drama going on in my life. Sometimes, I think it might be more interesting to have drama in my life but peaceful times like this remind me of why that is not true. At all.

I might come back later, singin'. No, not sWingin'. Just singin'.

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