"If you never know....."
2004-01-13 - 10:41 a.m.
"It's never too late, don't wait or we'll lose all."
Glenn Lewis, "It's Never Too Late"
Girlfriends wasn't as good as it usually is last night but I could completely see myself in Joan and William's situation with the "psychic". Then again, I'm thinking that maybe the "psychic" was just a way of letting them hear what they needed to hear. William needed to take a chance and step out to meet a woman. Joan needed to move on from Brock if he didn't want children when she really does.
Even though the guy wasn't real, their situations were. And their situations are so similar to those of other people.
If someone walked up to me right now and told me that the man of my dreams was right in front of me, I'd chase him down too. Or if someone walked up to me and told me that the guy I left behind needs to be left behind, I'd take that as confirmation of my decision and move on even if I didn't want to.
There's a psychic I'm considering going to see. She's a Capricorn, so it makes it easier for me to feel like I can go and see her and get the truth. It's a Capricorn thang.
But for real, I'm really considering shelling out this $100 to sit with her for 30 minutes and let her tell me about what she sees in my future. Yeah, she could be telling me a bunch of crap but don't people tell me bunches of crap everyday?
Okay, maybe not everyday. But I'll always run across a liar. No, I won't be paying them to lie to me. Not knowingly, anyway. But anybody is capable of telling a lie for whatever reason. If that's the case, I don't have the right to trust anybody.
* My car is officially totaled, by the way. *
I don't really want to know specific information from her. I don't even too much want to know anything about my romantic life 'cause I don't want to be running after someone for the rest of my life instead of living, which the idea of love is very capable of making a person do - run after someone full steam ahead, forgetting to live and experience life day by day.
I just want to know where I could be headed as far as my career is concerned. I need a point at which to focus my efforts. My mind is too numb right now to find that center, that place that's meant for me career-wise. So, I would love for this psychic lady to at least tell me what she sees so that, if it's in a direction I can see myself going, I can focus my efforts and energies and get thangs moving.
I just feel so stagnant in my life right now that I want to get going before I start going crazy.
Moving on.
Half&HAlf was definitely funny last night ("when backed into a corner, telling the truth is the last resort" - LMAO). I loved it when the waitress said, "Hmmm...you can see I really don't care" or something like that. It was funny. LOL! I like sarcastic humor like that.
But I felt so bad for Mona when she was hugging the guy and the waitress saw the guy looking at Spencer's girlfriend, really saying all those things to her and not Mona. I felt bad for Mona. Awww, so sad.
But she's a trooper though. Much more than I would be in her situation but I admire that. I want to be a trooper too. I ain't been too far from being a trooper but I just want to be a whole trooper instead of a half trooper. I don't want to just hold my head up so others don't see the loneliness. I just don't want to be lonely. Period.
Now that I think of it, I'm not lonely. I guess I just expect myself to now be after the ways I've felt in the past. But I'm glad about that though. I can honestly say I ain't lonely.
I didn't do any kind of exercise yesterday, and I'm disappointed in myself for that. It just felt so good to snuggle up under the covers and watch tv for three hours straight. It really did. I enjoyed the UPN lineup so much and then to have all the drama of the RW/RR Challenge and then see the hilarity of YoungBloodz on cribs...
LOL!!! It's just too funny 'cause I know so many houses that look just like that. The house I used to live in shoulda been on that episode of cribs too. Especially the kitchen with the tiles missing... That was just a little too familiar.
I went to see the chiropractor yesterday. Now I'm mad 'cause I see that some thangs really are messed up in my body because of the accident. I didn't think so at first but now I see they are. That upsets me. But I did get some good treatment at the chiropractor yesterday.
They had this Electronic Muscle Stimulator thang that just felt oh too good. I was all laid out with that thang working on my back. For real. I still got a few crooks and sprains but hopefully they'll be gone by the end of this week since I have to see this doctor everyday of the week...
I want to move out of my house and get my own apartment and ish but I'm just too lazy to be struggling to pay bills and all that when I don't absolutely have to. My stepfather just gets on my last nerves sometimes, even though I understand where he's coming from. I'm 'bout to be 23 and I don't like the fact that I still answer to him, not so much my mother. Everything I'm doing has to be explained. If I have a question about something, it has to come through him first and if I don't accept his explanation, there's an issue...
But I'm just too lazy to struggle to pay a whole bunch of bills all by myself right now (even though I'm quite capable). I have my freedom, that's not an issue. I just... I don't know. I guess I'm just ready to have somewhere I can freely prance around naked in if I do so please dammit! LOL. And that's that on that.
Aiight. My eyes hurt. I'm out.